JERK

Here’s Looking at You, Kid

November 20, 2009 · Leave a Comment

I don’t know if I’ve ever watched a black and white movie before because a movie without color kind of seems unnatural to me. That is, until I got to watch Casablanca in class. 

It was as good as everyone says it is. Most of the accents were pretty horrible, but otherwise it was a classic love story about a guy that I wish existed in real life.

I even ended up loving that it was in black and white. It made it classic and romantic–and that soft Rembrandt lighting made Ilsa (Ingrid Bergman) look so beautiful that I almost wished my boyfriend was colorblind so that I’d look like that to him (and yes, I realize that being colorblind doesn’t actually mean you see black and white). Keep reading →

→ Leave a CommentCategories: For the Love of Movies · TART
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What is Going on With Lady Gaga?

November 19, 2009 · 1 Comment

Lady Gaga’s new video “Bad Romance” is ridiculous. I honestly couldn’t have expected anything less, especially since her crazies at the VMAs.

Was there a marketing and PR (don’t forget her costume designers) meeting early in her career when someone said, “Let’s make you as absurd as we possibly can?”  She seems to be popular enough, but I don’t know if its even remotely safe for the mental well being of little kids to watch her music videos.

[via Daily Mail]

~Beckett Noyes

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Words o’ Wisdom: Tucker Max Gives Law Advice

November 19, 2009 · Leave a Comment

“Do you want to waste three years of your life debating stupid and utterly irrelevant minutia? Then yes, get your JD. Do you want to get a degree that allows you work the rest of your life in a tedious, shitty, unrewarding job? Then yes, get your JD. Are you a boring, facile, socially retarded whore, desperate for the illusion of money and success, regardless of the cost to your life and the lives of those you love? Then yes, get your JD.”

-Tucker Max

→ Leave a CommentCategories: Editors' Picks · Words 'o Wisdom
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Korean Woman Passed Drivers Exam After Test Given 950 Times!

November 19, 2009 · Leave a Comment

Cha-Sa smiles for the camera, 950 times later!

Cha-Sa smiles for the camera, 950 times later!

Watch out Korean drivers! In Seoul, on Wednesday, a 68 year old, Korean woman passed her written drivers exam after taking it 950 times (I bet most of you are happy you don’t have to drive on Korean streets right about now.)

Cha- Sa soon has been taking the test almost every day since April 2005. She supposedly needs her license for her vegetable business. She was obviously very determined, because I don’t know anyone who would voluntarily put themselves through that much stress and humiliation. Keep reading →

→ Leave a CommentCategories: SMACK · Weird News
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Batman: The Dark…Pedophile?

November 18, 2009 · 1 Comment

Here’s a shocker…writers make mistakes, or in this case, unintentional faux pas. Considering the 70 year history of Batman, something like this panel doesn’t seem too out of line given the thousands of words that have been written on the Dark Knight.

Having a sidekick means you’re going to come into physical contact with him (or her), but within the context of every other superhero in the scene being concerned over a women, this comes across as curiously homoerotic.

File this under unintentionally hilarious.

[via yesbutnobutyes]

~Beckett Noyes

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How to star in a comic: lessons learned from The Twilight Saga author

November 18, 2009 · 2 Comments

Have no fear, Stephenie Meyer is here!

Have no fear, Stephenie Meyer is here!

Last week Female Force comic book released a biography of The Twilight Saga author Stephenie Meyer. According to ComicsAlliance, the 28-page snoozer tells the story of how Meyer “grew up in the Southwest, got married, had kids, wrote some books about vampires and got rich.”

For those of you like myself, who read Meyer’s four-book saga, this news might make you say, “WTF? She’s the subject of an entire comic book?”

I’m not going to lie. I love The Twilight Saga. I’ve read all four books, own the DVD, have plans to see New Moon next week and am listening to the Twilight soundtrack (my younger sister burned me her friends’ copy) as I write this.

But, I adamantly proclaim that Meyer sucks at writing. She can tell a story, but the technical deliverance is another issue. Therefore, this comic book news made me realize, if Meyer can star in a comic book, so can I. Keep reading →

→ 2 CommentsCategories: Lessons Learned from Pop Culture · TART
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Pregnant Barbie: Help Us All…

November 18, 2009 · 1 Comment

→ 1 CommentCategories: Editors' Picks · Whack Ass Shit

A New Type Of Fiend

November 18, 2009 · 1 Comment

It counts as cardiovascular exercise if your heart races right?

I’m a fiend. I can admit that. It really is a disease, this video game stuff. I know it is not really a sport, but to me it is. I am always in the pursuit of perfection. I search for ways to better my skills. I can work on a team or by myself. I even sometimes sweat when I play.

I’ve been playing video games forever, but I started living them in college. My friends and I went through ridiculous sessions of the NBA 2k series. We skipped dinners to play. We had player introductions with the lights out. And there was this one time we bet $100 dollars, double or nothing, on a game. It was, is, crazy. So much so that someone did a documentary on our “psychoness.” Keep reading →

→ 1 CommentCategories: The Greasy Pole
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Fuck You, I Like My UGGs

November 18, 2009 · Leave a Comment

Gotta love 'em.

Gotta love 'em.

I’m really tired of people judging me because I wear UGGs. Screw you and your dumb stereotypes. I’m sick of being grouped in with snobby girls who use Daddy’s credit card to buy this season’s fashionable pair of Australia’s finest shoe.

My parents work hard to earn some extra cash for Christmastime when my siblings and I each get one big gift to unwrap from “Santa.” One year, my big gift were a pair of short, brown UGGs. I don’t think I’m entitled because I choose to wear these expensive shoes—I don’t really think much about it at all.

It probably hasn’t occurred to some of you yet, but not everyone who owns a pair of these cozy shoes wears them during the summer months with a denim skirt. Some of us actually wear them for warmth and comfort. Crazy, huh? Keep reading →

→ Leave a CommentCategories: Editors' Picks · I'm Ranting
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Check out November’s JERK!

November 17, 2009 · 1 Comment

Fashion=sex.

Fashion=sex.

Jerk Magazine’s November issue is now available on campus and on the web, so make sure you grab a copy and take a peek at our thoroughly entertaining articles.

In the BITCH section Allie Ditkowich discusses reality television, Kate Holloway writes about fashion’s desexualization in politics, and Philip Bolton, Jr. tells us that he’s not gay–seriously.

SMUT features include Jessie Assimon’s “No Vacancy” and Melissa Daniels’ “Pagan Pride.”

Be sure to read about THE infamous Charlie Sam in Roxanne Broda-Blake’s article, “The Man Downtown.”

You definitely won’t want to miss the orgasmic photography spread.

What are you waiting for? Go READ!

~The Jerks

→ 1 CommentCategories: Editors' Picks · Shameless Self-Promotion