Archive for the ‘SAGE — editor’s picks’ Category



“Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” -Ernest Hemingway

Words O’ Wisdom: Super Bowl Edition

Posted: February 4, 2013 by jerkmagblog in WORDS O' WISDOM
Tags: ,


“The truth is the Super Bowl long ago became more than just a football game. It’s part of our culture like turkey at Thanksgiving and lights at Christmas, and like those holidays beyond their meaning, a factor in our economy.”

-Bob Schieffer

“I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.”


The scariest moment is always just before you start.”

Stephen King

Words O’Wisdom: Ellen Degeneres Edition

Posted: October 17, 2012 by jerkmagblog in WORDS O' WISDOM

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is.

– Ellen DeGeneres.

Words O’ Wisdom: Steve Martin Edition

Posted: October 5, 2012 by jerkmagblog in WORDS O' WISDOM

“Be so good they can’t ignore you.”

~Steve Martin

Europe’s biggest shit show.  And I do mean literally.  As I entered the Theresienwiese camp ground, I was greeted by the sight of three grown German men dressed in lederhosen laughing hysterically at their friend who was peeing down his leg.  If that didn’t foreshadow the day I was about to have… nothing would.

At Oktoberfest, you have two choices: to camp or not to camp.  Obviously, I chose to camp, mainly because it was the cheapest option and with Stoke Travel we got to drink unlimited beer and sangria.  Once we got the campsite, we were immediately given a welcome beer, which conveniently came with a string attached to the sides so we could drink AND be hands free.

Stoke has a reputation for being rowdy and Australian (one in the same, really).  Between the blasting mix of house music and Red Hot Chili Peppers, the drinking went on well into 5 am.  We woke up at 5:30 to a guy puking on the path next to our tent while another was propped up between two trees passed out for the entire night in the pouring, freezing rain.

We got to the grounds of holy Oktoberfest at 6:30 am.  The beer couldn’t be served until 12:00, after they had tapped the keg and the Mayor of Munich sipped the first beer.  That meant standing in the rain without an umbrella while it was fifty degrees next to husky cigarette smoking Germans.  Absolute torture.  I have never so seriously considered dying.

We got in to Haufbrauhous early, probably around 10:00 am but I’m not sure, because I blacked out from the misery.  By some miracle of God we found our friends and joined them at the Harry Potter style tables.  I proceeded to pass out on the table for a good 45 minutes.  Around HB there were beer maids selling sodas, sandwiches, schniztel, asiago bread, prezels, cards, small plastic toys, and gingerbread hearts with icing that read ‘your place or mine?’.  And the occasional bucket of pickles.

When the beer was finally served a riotous echoing of “PROST!” and “ABROSIAAAA” burst from every table.  And not just once, this happened at least every 5 minutes.  It was one of the most fun times I’ve had in Europe so far. In the words of my roommate “If you haven’t been to Oktoberfest, THEN YOU HAVE NOT LIVED”.

The beer maids would carry out at least 8 liters of beer and slam them on the table only to be swarmed by people waving Euros.  If you don’t tip them, they won’t come back.  So everything ends up being about ten Euros in total.  Honestly, I don’t know how they carry 8 at a time.  I could barely hold one full mug up myself.

Attempting to go to the bathroom might sound easy in normal circumstances, but during Oktoberfest at HB, trying to get to the bathroom with a five-pound beer mug is a feat deemed impossible.  This, I did not know.  I was twisted and absorbed into the mosh pit of drunk Australians and Germans right before the bathroom.  I had no choice but to literally go with the flow.  I made it out, went back to my table, chugged my beer, and tried to break through the jungle of drunks and beermaids carrying pork knuckles and baby chickens.  Once I made it past the wall of rough Hell’s Angels looking security guards, things moved quickly.  Surprisingly, it was the fastest line for the bathroom I’ve ever waited in considering how many girls had to pee.

Let me warn you: One litre beer at Oktoberfest really packs at least three to four strong normal sized beers.  I ended up drinking almost three litres.  All I can say is, on my way out I proceeded to spend seventeen euros on roasted nuts and purchased a child sized Oktoberfest t-shirt.

-Sara Freund

“It’s kind of fun to do the impossible,”

~Walt Disney

The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don’t have. 

Forgive me for crying about it, but I’m a senior. While most students at schools aside from Syracuse countdown the days for their college careers to be over, we at Syracuse would rather become super seniors, super duper seniors, and if somehow we had the chance to take Chancy Nancy’s job — we’d be cool with that too. It’s a place so close and dear to our hearts, that the idea of giving it up makes us want to start the whole thing over again, even if that means having to be the sloppy freshman we once were, whose drink of choice was a warm Keystone from that frat house we hopefully grew out of come sophomore year.

So, in the spirit of my senior status, and having lived the most interesting, fun, and life changing four years I ever could have imagined, I think it’s only appropriate to give all of you incoming freshmen the low-down on what you can expect from this next chapter.

1. Freshmen Floor Friends These are the people you meet the first day you get to campus. Whether or not you even like your roommate (which you typically  find out either right away, or after a few nights out), the people you come to know that first year will wind up being your “college friends”, regardless of the activities and clubs you join, or the sororities and fraternities you will call home. You travel in herds of five or more to the party at that shaddy off-campus fraternity and house party you’re forced to reckon with having not yet joined a house. And before even going to these parties, you sit and debate whether or not you can even get in, given your guy to girl ratio is a little off. You study together in your floor lounge on Tuesday nights when upperclassmen are at the bars. You have late nights in when you realize your fake ID wouldn’t even be able to get you a margarita at Chipotle. These people might not be like any friend you’d immediately choose for yourself, but that’s the beauty of the freshmen dorms. You’re placed face to face with unfamiliar territory.

2. The Professor Who Makes You Think Just like at any level of schooling, you have teachers you love, and teachers you wish to never take a class with for as long as you live.  But once you meet that one professor, they’ll take your brain on a power-trip, throw everything you once thought upside down, and make you re-think more than you ever thought you could. The whole “makes you think”, could mean anything from re-thinking your thoughts on controversial issues, to your future career goals, to  a whole new way of thinking about anything and everything. It’s the professor that will consistently ask you the question “why”. A change in thought process and new ideas could immediately cause you to put yourself on that “I’m in college now”, pedestal. You might call your parents, share your new knowledge, talk down to them a little bit, feel yourself getting kind of cocky, and count down the days til your next class to feel another wave of inspiration. You might also be that asshole that posts it all on facebook. But, regardless of how much of an ass you look like, something inside you changes. You might even feel as inspired as to put together a blog on wordpress and “call it Julia”. Who knows.

3. The Short-lived Romance This is typical for any college student. Disclaimer: Don’t expect to meet your knight in shining armor at a frat house – because those are just tools in tin foil. But, every now and then, expect to hook-up (whatever your definition of that may be, and with whoever that might be). You never know — one of these days, one thing will lead to another, and you might find yourself in a slight step above inebriated foreplay. Meaning, you could very well see this person when the sun is up, spend a lot of time together, watch a movie together one night, and text on more than just Thursday nights. These are always fun, and will make you feel on top of the world for as long as they last. But, don’t beat yourself up when it doesn’t work out, and god bless ya if it does. A huge reason that they don’t work out, is because college years are crucial changing years. You will not be the same person you once were as a freshman. As the years go on, once you’re involved in more things on campus and get a grasp on things, you’re finally able to better balance work, school, activities, and maybe a relationship. Don’t rush it.

4. Your Abroad Friends Of course this only works out if you go abroad, these are people that will have shared with you something no one else on campus can say they have. You have this unspoken bond about the places you’ve been thousands of miles away from home. It’s these people that share your love of “Ai Se Eu Ti Pego”, European men wanting your children, wine for three euro, nutella gelato, and never being able to understand your host family. Okay, so I’ve listed a few things you’ll never relate to. GO ABROAD.

5. The “We’re in College” Guy: I say guy, but I really mean guy or girl. This is the stereotypical embodiment of that very person you’re warned to stay away from if you ever want to graduate on time. This is the person that says absurd things like “Yolo”, while weighing eighty five pounds and drinking a bottle of Barton’s by themselves. This is the “example” for everyone in the friend group of who not to be, and what not to act like. It’s the girl you always lose at a party, and the guy that winds up naked by the dorm elevators, not quite making it back to his room…ever. It’s probably the same girl wearing a tutu on a Sunday night outside my room right now screaming things like “I DON’T EVEN FUCKING CARE YO”. It’s these people I urge you to meet. If you don’t, you’re most likely one of them.

— Julia Fuino