The Victoria Secret fashion show was a few months ago, so of course the gyms have been full and dinner plates continue to stay empty as us ladies try to get rid of our flub. The VS fashion show has become quite the social event, as Bruno Mars pulled out his fedora for the evening. It even had us planning a get-together to watch the show while we ironically served pizza and beer to juxtapose the fact that Miranda Kerr probably hasn’t tasted either. Guys and gals alike come to our fashion show parties, and while the guys generally comment on the models’ hotness and hardness of their boners, the girls are slightly different. If you attended a fashion show party, I’m guessing these were the three types of girls present:
The Bro. The commentary coming from this young lady doesn’t touch upon her own physical flaws. Instead she joins in with the men and spends an hour comparing everyone’s boobies. She’s definitely straight, though. (or is she?) She’ll start ranking each girl based on hotness, and about halfway through will pick a model she’d “totally hook up with.” The Bro will then refer to this poor model as “mah gurl” throughout the rest of the show. Does she act this way because she’s confident enough in herself to appreciate the art form of another ladies donk? Or is she just trying to impress your male guests? We shall never know; The Bro’s motivations are her own.
The Rationalizer. You know she could have that body if she wanted to. If she went to the gym every day she could totally do it. If she was being paid to look that good she would look that good. But she just doesn’t want to, you know? The Rationalizer will point out every model stereotype and use it as a reason as to why model life sucks. “Yeah, they look awesome, but I like eating fries, thank you very much” or “We could all look like that if we wanted to, but we actually have lives, you know? I don’t have time to go to the gym every day, I want a career where I’m respected” Leave it to her to make the first joke about model intelligence: “She looks great now, sure, but looks fade; do you think she even knows how to read?” But alas, there HAS to be a Rationalizer. If there weren’t, no one would eat that pizza you got.
The Insecure. Her name says it all. She only watches the fashion show for two reasons: either she wants to spend a night in self-loathing and despair OR because she doesn’t want to be left out of a social gathering (again, refer to her name). Her comments during the program are the kind you nod at or respond to with a quick “me too” because you don’t want to indulge her. From her it’s a constant stream of “I’m so short”, “I could never have a stomach like that”, “I wish I looked like her”, or the dreaded query to the men: “Do you actually think that being that thin is attractive?” She loathes The Bro for being so seemingly confident. She bonds with The Rationalizer, who is the only thing between her and a nervous breakdown at this point. No pizza for her this evening.
And you ask yourself why I’m not a Victoria Secret Model yet? Well, because I really want to focus on my Jerk articles, duh!