Posts Tagged ‘sports’

Posted: November 6, 2012 by jerkmag in PLAY -- sports
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We’ve reached the halfway point of another week and first off we would like to take a moment to recount how blessed we really are to have been kept safe during the last couple of days. Enough emotion, back to sports. This week marks the beginning of the NBA regular season, a time marking homework’s return to the proverbial bench that is our lives. With the NFL and NCAA football at the midway point and the NBA and college basketball seasons starting, this is the premier time for sports fans. This week we take a stab at the NBA, praying our predictions hold up better than Dwight Howard does at the free throw line.

This year features two powerhouses (Heat & The Beardless Thunder) but overall both conferences are incredibly strong from top to bottom. When looking at our playoff picture, we both had a different team from BOTH conferences making the playoffs. After arguing for hours we have come to a tentative agreement. Yes we’re already talking PLAYOFFS!

 

 

1). Miami Heat

With the additions of Ray Allen and the once capable Rashard Lewis, and LeBron getting ridiculed just a little less this year, there is no reason for the Heat to not repeat.

2). Indiana Pacers

A year after taking the Heat 6 games, Indiana returns with the same roster minus a switch at point with Augustine taking over for Collison. With another year under their wings, look for the Pacers to improve again.

3.)Philadelphia 76ers

With the addition of Andrew Bynum giving them the best center in the East, the 76ers now have a balanced roster if the big man can prove he’s capable of leading the team/stay healthy.

4). Boston Celtics

It’ll take sometime to get used to not seeing Allen and his beautiful jumper, but Boston looks to reload a deeper team featuring Jason “Jet” Terry, Courtney Lee, and our very own Kris Joseph and Fab Melo cheering them on from the bench.

5). NY Knicks

This is with the hope that Amare has something left in his knees and stays away from nearby fire extinguishers. Carmelo Anthony is in the best shape of his career, looking to keep up with draft classmates Wade/Bron/Bosh and have an MVP caliber year. The additions of veterans Jason Kidd, Marcus Camby, and maybe even Rasheed Wallace give NYK some depth for once.

6). Brooklyn Nets

Hello Brooklyn, How You Doing? Deron Williams finally gets some help in Joe Johnson and Gerald Wallace, plus big men Brook Lopez and former Mr. Kardashian, Kris Humphries, give Brooklyn a solid core group. If they get some help from an unproven bench this team could make a run come playoff time.

7). Atlanta Hawks

Gone are the big contracts of Johnson and Williams, in come sparkplug 6th man Louie Williams and top 3 point shooters Kyle Korver and Anthony Morrow. Look out for the return of Al Horford and a big contract year from Josh Smith.

8). Chicago Bulls

Derrick Rose may miss part of the year recovering from his torn ACL, but the veteran core plus newcomers Nate Robinson/Kirk Hinrich playing fill in until he returns, this group could keep up with a stingy D until Rose returns.

 

1). OKC Thunder

Yes, we know James Harden is gone. But with Westbrook and MVP contender Kevin Durant still around don’t expect much to change. Kevin Martin plays less D then a 5 year old, but he can flat out SCORE. Expect much of the same from the Thunder in our humble opinion.

2). LA Lakers

Kobe may only play two more years (reportedly) but with the additions of all-stars Steve Nash and Dwight Howard to an already solid lineup, Kobe and Pau have some serious help this year. It may take some time for them to figure it out, but we expect LA to figure it out in due time.

3). San Antonio Spurs

Not much has changed from a year ago, as the threesome of Duncan, Parker, and Ginoboli will give it one more run. Kawhi Leonard is a stud and with a solid core around them it’s hard not to picture them in the picture down the line.

4). Denver Nuggets

The young core of Lawson, Galinari, Faried and McGee add one of the best wing defenders (and an Olympian) in Andre Iguodala. This may be the deepest team in the NBA and will use that to their advantage. Look for them to run and then run some more out in Colorado this year.

5). LA Clippers

Lob City returns with the addition of 6th man Jamal Crawford plus Grant Hill and Lamar Odom-Kardashian making his LA return. As long as Chris Paul is running the point this team will be sitting pretty come playoffs.

6). Memphis Grizzlies

Memphis is a very sneaky, solid team who will hover around the playoffs and we expect them to win a round, maybe two. Proven scoring stud Big Daddy Zach Randolph leads this team with the help of Marc Gasol at center and Rudy Gay at Small Forward; the Grizzlies have one of the best frontcourts in the league.

7). Utah Jazz

One of the more unknown teams, the Utah Jazz feature constantly underrated Paul Millsap and big scoring center Al Jefferson both in contract years. With the additions of Williams; Moe and Marvin, and young players Burks, Favors, Hayward and Enes Kanter hopefully improving, this team could be trouble.

8). Minnesota Timberwolves

Recent allegations of being “too white”(no really) shouldn’t stop a healthy Rubio and MVP level Kevin Love from finally getting to the playoffs. The additions of NBA returnees- a rejuvenated Brandon Roy, and the Russian Andrei Kirilenko, and last years #2 pick Derrick Williams getting minutes, this team could be for real. But who knows in Minnesota.

 

3 Predictions Sure to Be Wrong

  1. Both of us had a team we liked to surprise some people (Ian=Wizards, John=Cavs) but neither of us could muster up the manhood to give them a playoff spot. Therefore, look for one of them to surprise everyone down the road and for us to take full credit for it.
  2. Expect James Harden to put up the numbers for the Rockets. The beard is no laughing matter and neither is his game. With that being said, they have a young team and we don’t believe in the Linsanity. Jeremy Lin will NOT put up superstar numbers. Harden will have to carry the load.
  3. The only affect the new flopping rules will have is going to be Jeff Van Gundy yelling every two seconds, “See, that should be a fine.” The NBA will be unable to police this flopping phenomenon. And say they do. Well then we’ll see how good these guys would be at soccer because we’ll have to wait around for the magic spray guy to fix the “injuries” in order to avoid a fine.

What we can say for sure is that this year has the capability of being one the best in recent years, and no matter how wrong we turn out to be, this will be an entertaining year.

Like it or Hate it, we still want to know. Comment or tweet us your thoughts- @icflick @johnMMatthews

-Ian Flickinger & John Matthews

 

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Yogi Berra, former New York Yankee and famous for his "Yogi-isms" such as this one mentioned below.

Yogi Berra, former New York Yankee and famous for his "Yogi-isms" such as this one mentioned below.

“Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.”

-Yogi Berra

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Sigourney knows how to hibernate and still stay thin.

The weather is finally getting warmer here in Syracuse, NY and I love it. After so many winter months freezing my ass off, I feel like this is my time. Now some may be lead to believe that you should really workout hard during the winter months to get your body ready for “bikini weather,” but I think that’s bullshit.

When it started getting colder I couldn’t think of doing anything but staying in, eating, and sleeping under several blankets. It was like my own hibernation period and I have the blubber to prove it. Now that the weather is finally warming up I actually feel motivated to get outside and do something.

With the sun calling I have to decide what sport/activity I’m going to take up. I hate the gym, you probably knew that. The gym to me feels like a waste of time. You stay inside with all these people who are obsessed with going to the gym. They are all already thin/fit, fuckers. Plus I’m not going into the gym until I buy some sexy workout clothes. A friend of mine just told me that she lost 9 pounds swimming but I don’t do laps. So what do I do?  Well, I only want to play sports that make me look cool.

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Jeff Daniels looking like a douche bag.

After watching indie flicks like The Royal Tenenbaums and The Squid and The Whale , I’ve decided that tennis is really fucking cool. Think about it. Everyone wants to look like a douche bag slacker these days and nothing says douche bag like playing tennis. All the kids are doing it and I want in.

Another sport I’ve deemed cool/hot is bowling. I know what you are thinking, old people, but actually bowling can be pretty intense. You have to lug around a 10+ pound ball, unless you are pussy/bitch, and actually be coordinated enough to hit something other than onlookers.  Tough.

Other sports that I could take up that seem low-impact/hipster cool are cricket, golf, ping-pong. The list just goes on and on.

– Cindia Gonzalez

Shaking in their Spikes

Posted: February 27, 2009 by Michael Leess in POP - pop culture
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Dont worry Tiger, youll see her in a few days.

Don't worry Tiger, you'll see her in a few days.

After arthroscopic knee surgery and months of rehab, Tiger Woods is back on the links this week at the WGC-Accenture Match Play Championship.  Let it be noted, first of all, that the eight-month sabbatical Woods took is well over his doctors’ original timeframe for recovery.  I can’t say I blame the guy for taking the extra time off, though.  Have you seen his wife?  I rest my case.

However, it’s hard for me to say that I’m excited to see him return to competition.  On one hand, he’s pretty much the Jesus of the golf world.  As a (very) amateur golfer myself, and one who spends about 70 percent of my time on the course cussing the ball, my clubs, and my terrible luck, I can appreciate how amazingly consistent Tiger is with a golf club in his hands.  Hell, he won this year’s US Open in playoff holes and in comeback fashion – all on one leg.

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D.O. Blows Jerk Off

Posted: May 1, 2008 by jerkmag in VAULT -- archives
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So as we previously reported, we were set to rout The Daily Orange in our third annual staff kickball game last Sunday on the Quad. Unfortunately, only two members of the D.O. staff decided to come. The rest claimed that they were held up by “work” or “final papers” or some similar weak shit. So Jerk won, albeit by forfeit, improving our series record to 3-0.

Here’s our team victory pic, just for you guys at the D.O.

20 Watts is next. Sunday, May 4, 2 p.m. on the Quad. Be there, be drunk.

~ Liam