Posts Tagged ‘SMACK’

Virginity going once, going twice…sold! Sounds ridiculous, right? But in New Zealand it actually happened. A 19-year-old girl has auctioned off her virginity on the internet, to the highest bidder, for tuition money.

The police have advised her that what she is doing is unsafe, but technically what she is doing is not considered illegal in New Zealand. The girl has taken an offer that would be equivalent to about 32,000 U.S. dollars.

I do not care how desperate you are for tuition money, what she is doing is completely insane, and the fact that people are actually bidding on this girl’s virginity is sick. Come on, has she ever heard of scholarships? A loan? Or here’s a crazy idea, a job!?

I have no idea how this girl is even going to go to college, because you would have to be stupid or not right in the head to think this idea was a good one. Just think of all of the creepers out there–yikes!

~Brooke Belke

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DONATE, don't steal!

DONATE, don't steal!

Every holiday season we see them, we hear them, we give to them, and we usually feel sorry for them as they stand out in the cold. Yes, I’m referring to the cheery people who ring the bells while collecting donations for the Salvation Army. They have become a symbol of the holiday season, reminding people of those who do not have much during the holidays and how important it is to give back.

On Monday, one collector’s night was not so pleasant when, Shawn Krieger, a 44 year old man from Ohio, stole one of the kettles full of donations outside of a store, and proceeded to say to the donation collector, “I can’t stand you and your bell ringing. I hate Christmas.”
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Korean Woman Passed Drivers Exam After Test Given 950 Times!

Posted: November 19, 2009 by jerkmagblog in Uncategorized
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Cha-Sa smiles for the camera, 950 times later!

Cha-Sa smiles for the camera, 950 times later!

Watch out Korean drivers! In Seoul, on Wednesday, a 68 year old, Korean woman passed her written drivers exam after taking it 950 times (I bet most of you are happy you don’t have to drive on Korean streets right about now.)

Cha- Sa soon has been taking the test almost every day since April 2005. She supposedly needs her license for her vegetable business. She was obviously very determined, because I don’t know anyone who would voluntarily put themselves through that much stress and humiliation. (more…)

Young Druggie Wakes Up Next to Dead Man

Posted: November 9, 2009 by jerkmagblog in Uncategorized
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A Texas man was arrested after he was found sleeping in a closet with a corpse. Just a little creepy...

A Texas man was arrested after he was found sleeping in a closet with a corpse. Just a little creepy...

We have heard the same slogan for years, “Say no to drugs,” but it appears that some people still refuse to listen to the simple knowledge that we have had since elementary school. It amazes me that still people do not understand that hard drugs are horrible for you, can mess you up, and in some cases lead to death.

Cody Jean Plant, a 21 year old man from Houston, learned the hard way when he was found asleep next to a dead body in a vacant building. Why was he there and how did he not know that he was sleeping next to a dead guy?! What I really want to know is, how did they end up in a closet? I know they were high, but it still amazes me that of all places to end up in it would be the closet of a vacant building. (more…)

It’s Old Hick Herself!

It’s Old Hick Herself!

Here in D.C., the talk of the town never veers too far from analyzing the facebook musings of former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin. In the ranking of issues of interest, it goes something like: re-election, re-election, Sarah Palin’s facebook, re-election, sex. And so, I shall contribute and propose a possible senario: Sarah Palin as Andrew Jackson.

In what respect, Kevin? Mini-history: Andrew Jackson’s “outsider” candidacy is largely credited with super-charging the Democratic Party by winning the presidency with grassroots popular support arising from widespread populist discontent over the powers that be. Jackson was the anti-elitist candidate. Palin may not have led troops against the British — but she’s sparking populist tea parties left and (especially) right. (more…)

Apparently Chivalry Isn’t Dead

Posted: October 20, 2009 by jerkmagblog in Uncategorized
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Picture this: a women upside down, on a man’s back, with her legs wrapped around his head. What does this sound like to you? If you were thinking some kinky new sex position the answer is no… sorry. This is the position that is used by the couples that compete in the sport of “wife-carrying.’

In Newry, Maine, Dave and Lacey Castro became the new champions of the wife-carrying competition. Dave carried Lacey on his back while he ran through an obstacle course that contained a muddy water hole and two log obstacles. The Castro’s are the proud recipients of Lacey’s weight in beer and five times her weight in cash. They will also get the chance to compete in the world championships in Finland.

I am shocked that this is actually real and that people actually treat this like a serious thing.

I personally don’t understand the point behind “wife-carrying”or how it came to be. The only thing I get out of this weird piece of news is that anything can become a sport these days and people will compete in it, no matter how ridiculous it is, as long as beer and cash are involved.

~Brooke Belke

Apart from being one of the most obnoxious celebrities, Tyra Banks has also proved to be one of the most obnoxious twitters. Before I begin dissing her “tweets,” I feel compelled to point out that in her bio she says that her location is “fierceland.” That’s not a joke.

Fierceland population: 1

Fierceland population: 1

Anyways, on October 5th, Ms.Banks tweeted “Some scenes on GossipGirl with TyTy 2night, drama. but then emotional scenes too. and sweet scenes. lots of different moments. hope you like.” There’s so much to make fun of, I’m not even sure where to begin.

First off, not only are you tweeting in third person, but you are also referring to yourself with a pet name. That’s just weird, really weird. I have to admit though; I was so relieved to hear that Gossip Girl has added some “sweet scenes.” There’s nothing more annoying than when a TV show fails to provide “sweet scenes.” I personally refuse to watch any TV show that doesn’t have “sweet scenes”, they’re simply a waste of time.

It’s also good to know that in addition to sweet scenes Gossip Girl also decided to add “lots of different moments.” I really hated that one episode where they had everyone stand in a white, empty room and stare at each other. It definitely wasn’t sweet! Seriously Tyra, I know you at least attended elementary school, and between being a supermodel and TV personality, you should really know how to form a decent sentence.

Maybe getting rid of your fake hair has let too much oxygen seep into your brain. Lala thinks you should head on back to fierceland, and straighten up your tweets.

~Lauren Tousignant