Posts Tagged ‘Sex’

Okay you hate them, he hates them, I hate them… I’m sure we all do; especially during that big “O” moment. But let’s face it; condoms are a necessary evil during sex with a new or perhaps untrustworthy partner.

Though they decrease stimulation by a significant amount, and virtually RUIN sex, condoms are absolutely necessary when hooking up in college. Until you know and trust your partner, and unless you have an alternate mode of contraception, raw dogging it isn’t really an option. So while you must use condoms… choose ‘Cuse Condoms!

The ‘Cuse Condoms, pictured above, are the perfect way to be sexually responsible while showing school spirit!! Hah, no, but still. They’re pretty freaking awesome for late-night hook ups, or celebratory sex after the basketball team wins. Another plus; their package isn’t as obnoxious as other condom wrappers. They aren’t bright teal Trojans that take up half your wallet, so your chick won’t think you’re a pig if or when she sees one of these in your pockets.

These condoms, specially made for SU students were designed by the “Say it With a Condom” company, to make your big moment that much more orange.

Keep Calm & Penetrate each other. Safely.

-Deanna Viel

 

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My roommates and I are having this talk right now, debating back and forth whether the infamous “walk of shame” should be just that.

Many college students are far from “shameful” in their sexcapades. We tweet about them, brag about them, and talk in the most public of campus environments about how we walked home shirtless at sun up. So why, if we don’t feel shame in having such a night, is the return home from that night the “walk of shame”?

More times than not it is the girls doing the walk. Or rather, more times than not the girls’ walk of shame that is obvious and taken note of. She stumbles up to Watson, heels in hand, wearing an oversized Nike Athletics shirt with her make up still on from last night and her hair messy at best, anytime between six am and high noon, and its obvious she didn’t spend the night at Club Bird or staying at a girl friends house. She is finally arriving back from her “walk of shame”. But oftentimes we girls are not quickly pacing with their eyes cast downward but casually strolling home, scrolling on our iPhones through pictures we took the night before and thanking the Gods above our mouths don’t taste like morning. So is it a walk of shame? If we are nonchalant about or now semi-public sex lives, or the obviousness of our bed head and sex stench.

Or is it a stride of pride? That we are not ashamed at all of fooling around somewhere on Sumner last night or spending a night at the frat house that you are almost thankful you don’t remember. But instead are proud.

I have heard it said more times than one that the title “walk of shame” will undoubtedly stick, regardless of whether or not people are actually shameful of their 10 am stumble home. But many campus dwellers now are pushing to refer to it as the stride of pride, that it is a symbol you got lucky last night and should be regarded as a prideful matter. I see the walk differently each time, and the true distinguishing point between a walk of shame and a stride of pride should be the person’s emotional state during the walk. To the bitches who stroll home laughingly and cannot wait to tell their roommates what a slut they were last night – pride.

What are your thoughts fellow hornballs?

-Deanna Viel

Blow You A Kiss

Posted: October 21, 2012 by jerkmagblog in VICES -- sex, drugs & alcohol
Tags: , ,

In my head I’m counting. I think I just hit 15 Mississippi (yeah people I have skills), when he moans the throatiest and most signifying of moans; and here it cums.

I get my daily intake of protein, do a nice hair flip and straddle a squat, as if that were singlehandedly the best moment of my day. I know he enjoyed it. This poor guy has had blue balls for nearly three weeks and it was so quick and painless, that I have to admit it was kind of fun for me too.

I don’t necessarily know what I want to happen next. A hot and steamy make out session would be nice, but I understand the whole idea of a guy not wanting to “suck his own dick”, so I give him his space. We proceed to lay in my bed and watch Netflix until finally I become so bored and annoyed that I announce that I’m going to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I come back and lay down expectantly, but still he doesn’t make a move to kiss me. He can’t be in his “don’t touch me zone” because he’s still cuddling, rubbing and even kissing my head and shoulders, but yet we go to bed without a single kiss. I think he is just an unappreciative little bastard.

In the morning when he leaves without kissing me goodbye, which has been somewhat a ritual for our coed sleepovers, I can’t help but ask myself, “are guys really that turned off by blowjob kisses?” Even after brushing our teeth and getting a full night’s sleep?

Guys, there may not be a bigger turnoff for y’all than dick breath, but for us ladies, there is no bigger turnoff than douchiness. If you feel uncomfortable kissing a girl after she has had her mouth wrapped around your dick, tell her! Ask her kindly to brush her teeth, use Listerine, or eat something sweet, who knows, just don’t do a complete 180 in behavior after your 30-second day maker. You can bet your bottom dollar I won’t be going down on that fella again. If you can’t kiss my perfectly cum free mouth (freshly brushed mouth) and adorable face in the morning, what makes you think you deserve my mouth around your cock at night?

-Deanna Viel

Meet the Bloggers: Deanna Viel

Posted: September 7, 2012 by jerkmagblog in VICES -- sex, drugs & alcohol
Tags: , ,

Sup, Jerks! I’m Deanna Viel, and I’ll blogging about your guilty pleasures, drugs, sex & alcohol. But before you get your panties wet let me give you some blogger background info.

Year and Major/Minor– Sophomore Slump, Broadcast & Digital Journalism with a minor in Communications and Rhetorical Studies

Hometown– Rochester, NY

Most Embarrassing Moment- Probably hitting a freshman girl with my car in my high school parking lot.

Biggest Lie I’ve Gotten Away With– A lady never kisses and tells.

Movie I Could Watch Over and Over Again- Anything with Anna Faris- love you girl!

**If you’re interested in becoming a Jerk Blogger, contact us at jerkmagblog@gmail.com

Each Sunday, some of our proud, intelligent, scholarly Syracuse students are seen doing the annual walk of shame. Now don’t deny it, we’ve all done it or will do it at some point, but on the bright side, we most likely won’t see the person or remember the dude the next day. Well unless you’re “Annie.”

Annie, the typical Syracuse girl with a Northface and Longchamp bag, is a good friend of mine and until I met her, I always thought that the awkward walk of shames were terrible.

Annie has a type of hilarious luck that I can’t pin point, but whenever it happens she calls it, “God’s Comedy Show.” Now, to explain Annie’s hilarious run-ins, it’s not the casual one run-in incident your thinking of, oh no. Annie had hooked up with less than about six guys on campus the whole year, but yet, on a regular day she would run into them about two to three times and it would be worse each time.

After meeting Annie, I realized that those run-ins, though memorable, are better just avoided.  In honor of these run-ins, Annie and I have made five simple rules that will help you avoid or handle these impromptu moments of awkwardness and keeping your dignity:

RULE #1: “Just wear a paper bag over your head.”- If wearing a paper bag over your head, cut holes so you don’t look too weird, then if about to hookup, the hookup will never see your face and you’re in luck.

RULE #2: “Be as casual as possible”: DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT point, laugh, run, scream, “OH SHIT,” when you are around the hookup’s presence.

RULE #3: “Act as though they don’t exist”: Example A: HOOKUP: “Oh hey Annie, remember me? We fucked.”  Annie: “Who are you? I don’t know, you’re invisible.”

RULE #4: “The earlier the better”: The second it hits dawn, get your ass out of that house so you both can forget what you guys looked like. This is where that old saying, “don’t look down” comes in handy.

RULE #5: “Have a sense of humor about it, cause let’s be honest it’s funny…but sad.” Laugh about it in your head, this is college. To help this process, simply and softly just say to yourself, “YOLO!”

-Lakota Gambill

My roommate took this artsy picture and is very proud of herself.

Is this really necessary?

I could not help but do a double take recently at the lube dispenser I saw in the women’s bathroom of Goldstein Student Center on South Campus. That’s right, I said lube.

Just as Jonah Hill sarcastically commented in “Superbad, ”“Oh Evan, thank you for bringing that lube for my pussy. I never would’ve been able to handle your four-inch dick inside my pussy without that gigantic bottle of lube!” I too find it extremely ridiculous that any college student would use lube for any sexual encounter or at least buy it in a campus bathroom.

So why does this extremely out of place and random lube dispenser even exist? Is Syracuse University under the impression that its students need help having sex or something? Not awkward at all…

-Fresh Meat

It’s an excuse women have used to avoid sex ever since human beings have been able to form words.

You’re relaxing in bed and your significant other looks over at you with those come-hither eyes. But you’re just not feeling it tonight. Your retainers are in, your hair is pulled back into the messiest of buns, and you’ve already resigned yourself to wearing that ratty nightshirt and granny panties.

But since you don’t feel like explaining to him that sometimes women just don’t feel attractive enough to do the deed, you think up something that can’t be argued with: the presence of a headache.

Did you know, however, that having sex can actually cause headaches? According to the Mayo Clinic, sex headaches or can be described as two different things. It can either be a dull ache in a person’s head and neck as their arousal level increases, or a sudden, severe headache right before–or during–liftoff.

So, what causes this unpleasantness during what should be a rather pleasurable experience? The health experts at CNN.com believe that there are three main causes of sex headaches.

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