Posts Tagged ‘Naked’

Miss American dream since she was seventeen,” Britney Spears, is currently facing ridicule from former bodyguard Fernando Flores, who claims that the Pop princess has seriously poor hygiene. “She wouldn’t shower for days, and broke wind or picked her nose unselfconsciously and unapologetically,” he alleged. Of course, this follows the $10 million dollar lawsuit he held against her just last year for charges of sexual harassment which has since, apparently, caused him psychological damage, depression and insomnia. “Britney would walk around naked in front of me all the time,” said Flores.All I can say is, “ouch.” Can you imagine walking around naked in front of a guy and having him sue you because your body caused him depression and psychological trauma? I know sexual harassment is obviously wrong, but think about it, that is such a knock at the ego. There you are, naked in front of a man, and rather than pursuing you, he just sues you.

This story actually reminds me of a girl I used to work with. She was talking to me last year about her boyfriend’s addiction to Xbox. She said she appeared naked in front of him one night as he was in their room playing it, and rather than giving her his full attention, he told her to wait until the game was over and proceeded to chat with his friends via headset. I couldn’t imagine that one either: coming in second to Xbox. Either he was gay or had a serious addiction. Seems like both my friend from work and Britney could have used some of Jerk’s advice on how to boost your sex life because, clearly, naked disruptions just don’t cut it.

-Julia Fuino

24-year-old therapist Sarah White, from New York City, found this method to work. White thought something was missing in classical therapy and being young and innovative, developed a new technique.

White believes that clothing represents repression and not open expression. She starts off at her sessions by being fully clothed and eventually strips down until she is almost naked. Her clients, the majority of which are males, pay closer attention and reveal more when she shows more skin (duh).

I’m not sure if I should praise or look down on this method of therapy. It seems more like a ploy to get clients and nationwide attention rather than truly tend to the needs of these people. But if it works it works, right?

-Alicia Aiello

 

…and a small part of my childhood dies in the February issue of Maxim.

image from geekweek.com

The Seattle Post-Intelligence reports:

“I had the best time on this shoot. I think every shot I did was sexy,” the former child star says of her spread for the February issue, on which she’s also the cover girl. “Some people still see me as a kid, but I’m a 23-year-old woman now.”

You know, as a 24 year old, whenever I run into someone who still pictures me styling crazy curly pigtails and a corduroy jumper, I immediately scream “I’M A WOMAN DAMNIT!” and flash them my tits. It’s really effective…

naked santa christmas funny

"Would you like to see my sack of presents?"

Congratulations to Matt Allyn who wrote the winning naked Santa caption on our Facebook page!

And kudos to Khurram Ansari Mehtabdin, who won 2nd place with this gem:

“I’ll slide through your chimney real good tonight.”

Both are truly disturbing and hilarious. Click here to read all the caption submissions.

Happy Holidays,

Jerk

Searchers Find Lost Man, Avert Eyes

Posted: November 20, 2008 by jerkmag in VAULT -- archives
Tags: , ,

Just sittin’ in the woods with my junk out, officers.”

The Cairns Post of Australia reported Monday that rescuers discovered a lost and confused man in the dense rain forest south of Cairns. The man said he had been fishing in the area, but could provide no explanation of how he got lost.

 

Then, as the rescuers stared at him, struggling for words, he probably said something like: “…Is it the naked thing? It’s the naked thing isn’t it?”

 

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