Posts Tagged ‘Maisha Shahid’

Did I do that?

Posted: April 11, 2011 by jerkmag in VAULT -- archives
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Hayastan Shakarian, a 75-year old Georgian woman, lives in the poverty-stricken village of Armazi. She scavenges for scrap metal, and uses her meager earnings to sustain herself. Currently, however, she is involved in a cross-national controversy regarding the Internet.

Shakarian was searching for scrap metal recently when she was cut by what she thought was any old cable. Unfortunately for her, it happened to be a fiber-optic cable linking Georgia to Armenia. The cable provides 90 percent of Armenians with Internet access. For more than twelve harrowing hours, the vast majority of Armenians experienced a world devoid of the Internet (it is not clear yet how many actually survived the calamity, though the prediction is grim). (more…)

Artsickness

Posted: April 11, 2011 by jerkmag in VAULT -- archives
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Millie Brown is a performance artist. Her mode of performance, however, might make you sick to your stomach. Her medium is milk, though at first glance, you might think it’s paint. When she’s ready to create a new piece, she adds edible dyes to milk, making “paint” of varied colors. She drinks one of the colorful concoctions. Then she sticks a couple of fingers down her throat.

In relation to Millie Brown, Jackson Pollock was a traditionalist. While he merely splattered and dripped paint onto canvas with brushes and his hands, Brown’s art is a bit more involved. Her art truly originates from within. In the beginning, she would vomit on shirts and sell them. Now she has evolved to canvas-puking.

She is truly an inspiration. I mean, how many of us have a skill so advanced that it allows us to show off our bulimic tendencies to the world AND get paid for it? Brown has discovered a new low in the world of modern art, and the only thing sicker than her art is the fact that there exists an audience willing to pay for puke on canvas.

This video is actually one of the less disturbing of Brown’s performances; watch if you can stomach it.

-Maisha Shahid

Yep, this guy.

Harvard University graduate student Jonathan Bittner has created an online calculator that helps determine how much rent each roommate owes. Using “algorithms to prorate rent by the square foot” (whatever that means), the calculator takes into account factors such as room size, amount of windows, closet space, occupancy, even street noise, to determine how much rent each roommate should be paying.

The aspiring astrophysicist claims that his website, www.splittherent.org, will prove to be helpful for roommates by providing an “unbiased mediator.” Apparently, the website’s allocations are usually within ten percent of figures roommates come up with on their own, making the rent generator useless.

Bittner maintains that he has never had issues with roommates, and even reveals that he currently splits his rent 50-50 with his girlfriend. Even the inventor refuses to use the invention.

If you ever come across a roommate who insists on using a web-based algorithm rent generator instead of having a simple conversation and setting up rent rules the old-fashioned way, back away from the crazy. And if you are the crazy, good luck coming up with an algorithm to keep people from being weirded out by you.

–Maisha Shahid

Dude, Where’s My Foot?

Posted: March 12, 2011 by jerkmag in VAULT -- archives
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A 2008 car accident that left a Florida man without a foot has taken a strange turn. Karl Lambert is now suing a firefighter-paramedic who took his foot from the scene of the collision. The paramedic, Cynthia “Cindy” Economou claims she took the foot to train her body-recovery dog, and that it would have been impossible to reattach the body part. She was placed on probation for six months for “second-degree petit theft” and has since left the department.

As unfortunate as the outcome of the accident was for Lambert, the utter ridiculousness of the story far outweighs the gravity of the incident. Why a paramedic would take an “unrecognizable mass of flesh” from the scene of an accident, and why a man would sue for the remnants of his foot – is beyond me. Sure, Economou’s actions didn’t exactly scream ‘proper training’ (or even common sense). But what was Lambert planning to do with the foot? Would he have kept it as a living room centerpiece for all to see? Of course, it was his foot and he should have been properly notified of what was to come of it but it seems to me that filing a lawsuit is beating a dead horse more than anything else.

Let’s hope that Mr. Lambert finds whatever satisfaction he is searching for after his traumatic experience, and that Economou discovers better methods for training her dog.

Maisha Shahid

Feces go great with diamonds

Watch Video here
For most guys, the nerve-racking part of a proposal is the possibility of a ‘NO’ in response to those much-anticipated four words. For John Iverson, the real anxiety began after he heard the response he was hoping for from his now-fiancé. He dropped the wedding band that went with the engagement ring…in the sewer.
It was Valentine’s Day and Iverson was with his girlfriend on the streets of Denver, where he’d planned to pop the question. After she said yes, he gave her the engagement ring, but managed to drop a wedding band – an heirloom of the bride-to-be’s family – into a grate leading to the sewer.  The Denver fire department had to be called. Forty-five minutes passed before the ring was salvaged from deep beneath the city’s streets.
It should be noted that John Iverson offered to clean the ring before putting it on his fiancé’s finger. What a gentleman.

– Maisha Shahid

Ummm... No comment

I always thought the word ‘foodgasm’ was to be taken figuratively.
Gabi Jones has forever changed the way I’ll think of the term. This Colorado woman literally orgasms from eating large amounts of junk food. Apparently, she has a condition called persistent genital arousal disorder, which causes spontaneous and uncontrollable genital arousal unrelated to sexual desire. In her case, it’s junk food.
The first time she experienced an orgasm whilst eating, she was a teenager in an ice cream parlor. She “felt a tingle starting down below. The pressure kept building until suddenly it swept through [her] body.” She began to feel “light-headed and flushed.”

The intense pleasure Jones receives from food has brought her to her current weight of 490 pounds. Alas, her curse – or good fortune, depending on how one looks at the situation – has not gone wasted. Jones runs a website (www.gaininggabi.com) on which she uploads videos of her getting off on cookies and ice cream and the like.

For only $20 a month, you too could watch Gabi Jones eat herself to climax.

– Maisha Shahid

His name is Dave Hockey. He’s a filmmaker from Canada. He wanted to make a documentary. While conducting research for it, he met and fell for one of the documentary’s subjects. Her name is Bianca. She’s a doll. No, really, she is an actual doll.

Hockey wanted to explore the world of adult dolls, and so he delved into the community for a first-hand experience. He figured the best way to penetrate the oft-misunderstood world of doll companionship would be to get himself a silicone-filled friend. What he didn’t anticipate was how attached he would get to the lovely Bianca.  They have gone on several road trips together, and have had what I imagine to be many animated and lively conversations. I wish the two the best of luck in their relationship. As Hockey says, “Dolls can fill a void in people’s lives.” I hope she is filling his voids for he is certainly filling hers.

http://www.aolnews.com/2011/01/31/filmmaker-learns-joys-of-life-size-dolls-as-alternative-soul-mat/

Meet the Jerk Bloggers: Maisha Shahid

Posted: February 8, 2011 by jerkmag in VAULT -- archives
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Maisha Shahid, Daft blogger

Hey! I’m Maisha Shahid and I’ll be writing about some whack ass shit I come across. Here are the basics:

Major: International Relations

Year: Freshman

Hometown: Dhaka, Bangladesh (But I live in Marlboro, New Jersey)

Favorite breakfast cereal: FROOT LOOPS

One lie I got away with: There was that massive lie I told throughout high school about ‘being sick’ as an excuse for about 90 absences…

Two things on my (mental) bucket list: base jump into caves, write a screenplay

Three celebrities I love:  Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Jared Followill, Leo DiCaprio