Posts Tagged ‘Lauren Tousignant’

Please keep tweeting Hailey, we enjoy mocking you.

Please keep tweeting Hailey, we enjoy mocking you.

The infamous Hailey Glassman is quite the annoying tweeter, and I’ve been waiting for the prefect tweet to attack her on.

On October 20th Hailey Glassman tweeted, “If ur honest n don’t lie then u never have 2 remember what u tell each person,cause it will all be the same since its the truth”-L.Glassman. OH REALLY, IS THAT HOW IT WORKS?

Well I’ve got some news for you, if you put peanut butter on one slice of bread, and put jelly on another slice of bread, and then stick the two pieces of bread together, you’ll have a friggan peanut butter and jelly sandwich. AMAZING HOW THE WORLD GOES ‘ROUND, HUH HAILEY?

I’m assuming the “L.Glassman,” is a sister or brother, who is clearly an airhead. Then again they are related to a fame- whoring, home-wrecking dumbass, so you can’t expect much I suppose.

Hailey Glassman, I would normally tell you to cancel your twitter and go crawl into a corner somewhere, but your tweets are my jokes of the day, so for you I shall make an exception. Congratulations. Please continue with you’re soul-baring tweets, I look forward to making fun of you again.

~Lauren Tousignant

Clearly a very well-deserving individual of her own Vogue clothing line.

Clearly a very well-deserving individual of her own Vogue clothing line.

The USA edition of Vogue Magazine just recently created a twitter account and on October 12th Heidi Montag tweeted “I love @VogueUSA can’t wait to show you my new clothing line!! 😉 your going to love it!!” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Heidi Montag due to your relationship with Spencer, I always knew you were delirious but this is beyond. I can assure you that if your clothes, for whatever obscure reason, were ever featured in Vogue, readers, designers, models and editors everywhere would set their copies on fire, scratch their eyeballs out and proceed to hang themselves with their Burberry trench coats and Diana Von Furstenburg dresses.

“That’s a little bit exaggerated” you say? No Heidi Montag, no it’s not, for the day that your “clothes” are featured in Vogue will be the day that pigs fly, the fat lady sings and the cow jumps over the frigan moon. You see Heidi, you may be on a “reality” television show but you do not live in the real world.

You live in a special little world that you created inside your pathetic, miniscule mind, where you pretend to be a singer, fashion designer and child of god. Unfortunately in the real world, you are just an annoying waste of life; married to the second biggest douche bag in the country (Jon Gosselin wins in that category.) Didn’t you already have a clothing line once, called Hoochiewood or something? Didn’t it fail? Didn’t that prove to you that you are not a designer and nobody likes you or the krap that you “designed.”

Please just go back to your little ranch in Colorado where no one (except your poor mother) has to see or hear from you ever again. I’m sure you’ll be much more successful at milking cows and shoveling horse shit.

~Lauren Tousignant

Apart from being one of the most obnoxious celebrities, Tyra Banks has also proved to be one of the most obnoxious twitters. Before I begin dissing her “tweets,” I feel compelled to point out that in her bio she says that her location is “fierceland.” That’s not a joke.

Fierceland population: 1

Fierceland population: 1

Anyways, on October 5th, Ms.Banks tweeted “Some scenes on GossipGirl with TyTy 2night, drama. but then emotional scenes too. and sweet scenes. lots of different moments. hope you like.” There’s so much to make fun of, I’m not even sure where to begin.

First off, not only are you tweeting in third person, but you are also referring to yourself with a pet name. That’s just weird, really weird. I have to admit though; I was so relieved to hear that Gossip Girl has added some “sweet scenes.” There’s nothing more annoying than when a TV show fails to provide “sweet scenes.” I personally refuse to watch any TV show that doesn’t have “sweet scenes”, they’re simply a waste of time.

It’s also good to know that in addition to sweet scenes Gossip Girl also decided to add “lots of different moments.” I really hated that one episode where they had everyone stand in a white, empty room and stare at each other. It definitely wasn’t sweet! Seriously Tyra, I know you at least attended elementary school, and between being a supermodel and TV personality, you should really know how to form a decent sentence.

Maybe getting rid of your fake hair has let too much oxygen seep into your brain. Lala thinks you should head on back to fierceland, and straighten up your tweets.

~Lauren Tousignant

Stephanie Pratt Should Keep Her Twitter Trap Shut

Posted: September 26, 2009 by jerkmagblog in Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

On Tuesday September 22, at 3:28 am EST, Stephanie Pratt tweeted, “I can’t fall back asleep and I have to be up in 2 1/2 hrs to share my views on the economy crisis and stock market on the CW News.” Looks like the CW news is going to have to fire some of their employees, because whoever would ask Ms. Pratt for her economic opinion is obviously confused.

She can barely form full sentences between her blank stares on the super awesome “reality” show, “The Hills.” I really hope her interviewer asks her who Bernie Maddoff is, and no Stephanie, he’s not an MTV producer whom you need to suck up (or down) to in order to keep your whining butt employed.

But seriously, what do you know about the current economic crisis? I saw you featured in US Weekly at least once a month this summer, wearing Louboutin heels, Gucci bikinis and Chanel sunglasses. My deepest apologies if you just could not afford that diamond Cartier necklace to go with the rest of your designer ensemble, must be rough. So, please Ms.Pratt, for the sake of our country and our sanity, keep your trap shut and your opinions (if they are even your own) to yourself.

Aren’t you supposed to be off somewhere designing purses anyway? Try and stick with what you know.

~Lauren Tousignant