J.D. Salinger Pronounced DEAD: Jan. 27th, 2010

The young and handsome Mr. Salinger.

 

Dear J.D. Salinger,

My heart broke into pieces when I heard the news of your death while sitting in my communication class this afternoon. I know it’s a cliché to say that The Catcher in the Rye is my favorite book, but it genuinely is one of my favorite pieces of literature.

I’m somewhat of a book nerd and I like to immerse myself in the works of my favorite authors by forming relationships with their characters, familiarizing myself with the settings, and analyzing the plots as if I am a part of these fictitious worlds. This especially holds true for Holden Caulfield—he’s my boy.

Holden helped me get through a great deal of my adolescence. I am constantly reminded of him and his adventures within my own reality as well as the fictional world you created in The Catcher in the Rye. He’s such a bad ass dude who does whatever he wants and is definitely worthy of my admiration. I also think it’s worth mentioning that I hope my future partner is down with my first son’s name deriving from this tremendous hero that you created.

The 5 Hottest Political Daughters

Scott Brown’s declaration of his daughter’s hotness got us thinking, what other politicians have hot daughters, and are they up for grab as well? These are the top five hottest political daughters, according to a couple of Jerks:

1. Ashley Biden – MM, nose candy.

2. Bristol Palin – Why yes, I will milk my teenage pregnancy in the tabloids for money thereby proving that choosing life is easy when you’re in the public eye and can rely on publicity stunts to pay for diapers..

3.  Meghan McCain – Blogger for The Daily Beast on topics like BOOBS.

4. Jenna Bush – 1/2 of those Bush twins, the one who saw dead people.

5. Chelsea Clinton – recently engaged and this picture definitely sends our motors running.

~Kate Holloway and Krystie Yandoli

Resolutions for 2010

Saying goodbye to 2009 won’t be a terribly sad thing. Sure, it had its high points overall, but there’s something really exciting about the anticipation of a new year and a clean slate. 2010 is filled with promise and potential for greatness, so I decided to share my New Year’s resolutions:

1. Be a better JERK.
2. Do a more consistent job of staying in touch with friends.
3. Learn the “Bad Romance” and “Single Ladies” dances.
4. Officially declare my second major.
5. Finish reading “The Fountainhead” (that I started reading in 2007).

What are your resolutions?

~Krystie Yandoli

Krystie and Beckett Stage a Bed-In

We decided to take some advice from Jerk’s December issue and stage our very own Bed-In. We’ve been pent up in Krystie’s dorm room since 3:00 in the morning, after moving in Beckett’s mattress, television, and X-box 360.

John Lennon and Yoko Ono originally staged a Bed-In on their honeymoon in 1969. While this dynamic duo used this protest tactic to promote peace, we’ve decided that we have some other reasons to protest. You can watch our live web feed here, with only a few hours remaining.

Stuff White People Like: A Jerky Sunday

“Stuff White People Like” is a wildly successful and popular blog that started where all the best blogs always start–wordpress.com. Christian Lander’s satirical blog posts were eventually compiled into a book, published  by Random House in July of 2008. 

While its’ initial buzz has worn off, “Stuff White People Like” still has the capability of making readers laugh and slightly brightening their days. Check out “Stuff White People Like post #46: The Sunday New York Times.”

“Mornings are exceptionally important to white people, as witnessed by their love of breakfast places. However, some white people never go out for breakfast on a Sunday Morning. The reason? The Sunday edition of the New York Times.”

Read more, and buy the “Stuff White People Like” daily 2010 calendar as a holiday gift for someone who would find it funny!

~Krystie Yandoli

Fuck You, I Like My UGGs

Gotta love 'em.

I’m really tired of people judging me because I wear UGGs. Screw you and your dumb stereotypes. I’m sick of being grouped in with snobby girls who use Daddy’s credit card to buy this season’s fashionable pair of Australia’s finest shoe.

My parents work hard to earn some extra cash for Christmastime when my siblings and I each get one big gift to unwrap from “Santa.” One year, my big gift were a pair of short, brown UGGs. I don’t think I’m entitled because I choose to wear these expensive shoes—I don’t really think much about it at all.

It probably hasn’t occurred to some of you yet, but not everyone who owns a pair of these cozy shoes wears them during the summer months with a denim skirt. Some of us actually wear them for warmth and comfort. Crazy, huh?

Words o’ Wisdom: Jerkin’ Wednesday Edition

 

Just a couple of Jerks.

“Some people have a way about them that seems to say: “If I have only one life to live, let me live it as a jerk.” 

-Oliver Wendell Holmes

 

 

Let the Compliments ‘Commence’

COMMENCEMENT by J. Courtney Sullivan was one of my favorite reads of the summer. This brilliantly written novel takes place at Smith College in Northampton, Massachusetts and chronicles the friendships between four very spunky and distinctive girls.

To quote Sullivan’s website, “ It is a fascinating portrait of the first generation of women who have all the choices in the world, but no clear idea about which choices to make.”

Our leading ladies, Celia, Bree, Sally, and April, explore their Smith experiences quite differently. The main common ground between these Smithies is their friendships with each other.

Courtney Sullivan excellently depicts the trials and tribulations of the relationships between four great friends with contrasting personalities. She also addresses many rumors and stereotypes that coincide with single sex education. Girl-on-girl hook ups and even long-term lesbian relationships exist in Commencement—and it sheds light on individual situations for the readers.

Anyone can pick up a copy of this wondrous work of fiction in Barnes and Noble, readers don’t have to schlep into random “underground” bookstores to delve into the lives of Celia, Bree, Sally, and April. It’s an enjoyable read that doesn’t require any effort to comprehend; yet it is thought provoking enough to make you think anyway.

Over the summer, the New York Times gave Ms. Sullivan a glowing review, as did popular activist blog, feministing.com. If you can’t find a copy in any local bookstore check it out ASAP on amazon.com!

Kudos to Ms. Sullivan on a fantastic (and her first) novel—hopefully we will see many more coming our way!

Read the first chapter for free here.

~Krystie Yandoli

Getting Drunk off Cleanliness…?

Careful, too much of this or you'll have a hang over the next day.

Most weekends on college campuses consist of drunken antics and inebriated decision making. According to Emily Kaiser’s blog post on citypages.com, people are now getting drunk off of hand sanitizer. Seriously.

Apparently children are swallowing enough of this stuff to get legally drunk. There are some serious issues that arise out of this–the fear of poisoning being the main concern. Aside from these “sober” issues, it’s pretty messed up that these kids are even capable of getting their hands on enough Purell to intoxicate themselves.

If you think about it, it’s pretty funny. As long as it’s not happening to you.

Call poison control if you’re in need of some further assistance: 1-800-222-1222.

~Krystie Yandoli

DON’T Observe

I know this isn’t exactly political, but I HAVE to write about it.

Last week I saw Observe and Report with my boyfriend for his birthday. Neither of us was pleased with the overall quality of the movie, its rare moments of laughter, nor its racism, sexism, and homophobia running rampant throughout the whole script. Now, I may not study film at Cornell like he does, but I do know a thing or two about political correctness and when a line is crossed. Observe and Report really crossed that line.

Gross....

I could continue on and analyze quite possible every single line in this “film,” but instead I’ll concentrate on the oh-so controversial “date rape” scene. That’s right, you’re not going blind; I said date rape.

Seth Rogen’s character has sex with his desired female while she remains unconscious from her countless shots of tequila. He lays on top her, repeatedly having sex, while her head hangs to the side with her eyes shut.

It was this moment in the movie that sparked the loudest laughter from the rest of the audience, and the most uncomfortable feeling for me.