Posts Tagged ‘Jon Gosselin’

Jon Gosselin having a "mantrum" with his drug dealer, also known as his girlfriend Hailey Glassman.

Jon Gosselin having a "mantrum" with his drug dealer, also known as his girlfriend Hailey Glassman.

I hate to write about Jon Gosselin again, but it needs to happen. A couple of weeks ago I wrote about how Gosselin taught me to lose a million-dollar contract. This week, Gosselin taught me how to expose all my secrets: date or surround yourself with women in their early 20s; they’re sure to tell “Inside Edition” all the juicy details.

Lesson one: always trust the babysitter. Stephanie Santoro babysat for Gosselin’s eight children and recently exposed some of his alleged habits to the tabloid TV show, “Inside Edition.” Santoro told the show that Gosselin smoked pot while the kids were home and hacked into his wife Kate’s email account. Maybe he got the weed from his girlfriend, 22 year old Hailey Glassman (she was arrested for drug possession in 2005).

Lesson two: Send all your secrets in text messages. Santoro claims she has “hundred and hundreds of text messages” to back her accusations. Imagine: “Hails gave me weed. Got the munchies, kids crying bc I ate all their ice cream. LOL.”

Lesson three: Date Glassman. Glassman told “Inside Edition” this week that Gosselin has “mantrums.” She said Gosselin takes his anger out on her during phone calls. This makes her cry and leads her to ask him, “Why are you so mean to me?” I think “Why am I dating you?” is a more sufficient question.

~Jessie Assimon

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Definition of a midlife crisis: backwards hat, Ed Hardy, chucks, and a diamond stud.

Definition of a midlife crisis: backwards hat, Ed Hardy, chucks, and a diamond stud.

Congrats Jon Gosselin! Your French rendezvous, partying, babysitter sleepovers, playa days successfully deemed you America’s Worst Dad. Yes, your own show, your sole source of income, which only requires you to act like a father to your eight children, just fired you. That’s right; T.L.C. thinks that your midlife crisis deemed you unworthy of starring on a show about your family.

Well, it’s not like you were trying to keep your job. Did you think that when you started holding impromptu press conferences on your front lawn with the paparazzi that the network would love that? How about when you started bedding one of those front lawn paps and asked her to resign from her job as a reporter at Star when you had already gone public with your other girlfriend – a 22-year-old alleged stoner? I can’t believe you would’ve thought these actions screamed “All American Dad” and would allow you to keep your job.

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