Posts Tagged ‘jessica simpson’

Pizza Sex

Posted: September 21, 2012 by jerkmagblog in VICES -- sex, drugs & alcohol
Tags: , ,

As your “Vices” blogger, I pledged to shed light on the truths of all things drugs, sex and alcohol. Sometimes, though, we need to discuss the lack thereof. For such a good looking, party animal driven bunch here on campus, it’s surprising how many of us are not engaging in, and have not ever engaged in the one thing that keeps us humans coming (pun intended), sex.

I mean honestly, we could play 52 pick up with all the V-cards floating around campus. Surprising ones too! The cute sorority girls with the most upbeat personalities who haven’t found a suitable first mate, or even the handsome and charismatic engineer students with smiles that light up the room, but don’t know how to react once that room goes dark. If it’s a matter of religious observance then by all means, pull a J-Simps and wait until your honeymoon to pop your hymen, (though we all saw how that worked out for her!). Something tells me, though, that I it’s not in obedience to the Bible. It’s much sadder than that.

These “women in white”, or “true gentleman” on campus just don’t know how to get the ball rolling. Sex is instinctual, once you do it a couple of times, and really get the rhythm of it, it’s easy to start, do, and well, finish (another pun people, keep up). But that’s the thing. It is hard to just jump into. Nowadays being a virgin in college poses such a difficult situation. With a large percentage of the people around you being sexually experienced, it is no doubt frustrating to not know how to easily just jump in bed with someone and “do the dirty”. Though sex, as before stated, is something embedded in our codes as human beings, it does take some trial and error, and figuring out. Basically, it’s too late now, to come to college knowing what your doing, but don’t put it off any longer. If you find someone who you are attracted to enough, and who you trust sufficiently enough that you won’t cry yourself to sleep after, go for it.

And if not, here’s my number, so call me maybe!!

Just kidding, but good luck my little celibates, and remember: sex is like pizza, even when it’s bad it’s still “pizza”. So whether your first time is Varsity, Sbarro or from Ernie, it was still sex, or pizza, pizza sex…

-Deanna Viel

Yes Jessica, you ripped off John Mellencamp and confused us all!!

Sometimes, we here at Jerk will turn on the radio and start bobbing our heads to one song, only to discover it is another. Damnit! Here is our tribute to songs that sound alike: the good, the bad and the WTF? (click on pop-out player to see the playlist).

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