Posts Tagged ‘Heidi Montag’

 

Lauren Conrad in sailor costume

Yes, this girl should totally start a clothing line.

Apparently book publishers don’t look for significant, extensive fashion experience when deciding who should write fashion books. Well, at least that’s what it looks like considering Lauren Conrad will write Lauren Conrad Style for Harper Collins, the company announced this week. The blond reality star doesn’t exactly qualify as a fashion expert and her writing abilities are questionable (people wonder if LA Candy was ghostwritten), so how did she do it? Here’s what I’ve learned from Conrad on how to land a fashion book deal (without going through the Newhouse Fashion Communications Milestone):

1.Star in reality T.V. shows. Come on, we all know Conrad wouldn’t be as successful as she is today if she didn’t lust after Kristin’s Stephen on Laguna Beach. (more…)

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Clearly a very well-deserving individual of her own Vogue clothing line.

Clearly a very well-deserving individual of her own Vogue clothing line.

The USA edition of Vogue Magazine just recently created a twitter account and on October 12th Heidi Montag tweeted “I love @VogueUSA can’t wait to show you my new clothing line!! 😉 your going to love it!!” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Heidi Montag due to your relationship with Spencer, I always knew you were delirious but this is beyond. I can assure you that if your clothes, for whatever obscure reason, were ever featured in Vogue, readers, designers, models and editors everywhere would set their copies on fire, scratch their eyeballs out and proceed to hang themselves with their Burberry trench coats and Diana Von Furstenburg dresses.

“That’s a little bit exaggerated” you say? No Heidi Montag, no it’s not, for the day that your “clothes” are featured in Vogue will be the day that pigs fly, the fat lady sings and the cow jumps over the frigan moon. You see Heidi, you may be on a “reality” television show but you do not live in the real world.

You live in a special little world that you created inside your pathetic, miniscule mind, where you pretend to be a singer, fashion designer and child of god. Unfortunately in the real world, you are just an annoying waste of life; married to the second biggest douche bag in the country (Jon Gosselin wins in that category.) Didn’t you already have a clothing line once, called Hoochiewood or something? Didn’t it fail? Didn’t that prove to you that you are not a designer and nobody likes you or the krap that you “designed.”

Please just go back to your little ranch in Colorado where no one (except your poor mother) has to see or hear from you ever again. I’m sure you’ll be much more successful at milking cows and shoveling horse shit.

~Lauren Tousignant