Posts Tagged ‘Gossip Girl’

Dear Teen Soap Operas,

Hi, how are you? Gossip Girl? Pretty Little Liars?  90210? (Don’t worry, zip code show, I didn’t forget you) I’m sure you’re all fine, considering how hot everyone in your little gang is.

I just wanted to check in on you guys and maybe ask a couple questions, there’s a little confusion on my end that needs clearing up.  I don’t want to waste too much of your time; I know you guys REALLY need to find out who “A” is.  So I’ll just dive right in.

Where are your parents?  Do they work all day, as well as all night? Why don’t they care where you are?  I can’t even be in my room alone for ten minutes without my mom thinking I made a run for it, how do you drive to Tijuana for the weekend and just say, “I’m sleeping at Summer’s”?  If I’m not home from a sleepover by 10 a.m. I have to brush all my dogs’ teeth.

Do any of you have more than 4 friends?  Maybe you all should join (separate) clubs!  I know; it’s been pretty risky for you all so far.  It seems that every time one of you steps out of the box (yay!) to make a new friend they end up trying to kill all your original buddies to keep you for themselves!  Here’s a thought though- stop picking the town klepto/nympho/pyromaniac as your new pal and maybe take a stroll through chess club next time you’re at school (but suspiciously never in class).

Are there any sweatpants in your town?  Why haven’t you bought some?  If you want us teen girls to relate to you, you really need to go home, take off those bangle bracelets and those fun fall boots, and make yourself look like you just woke up.  I’m at the library right now and LET ME TELL YOU, no one here is ready to pound the pavement with Selena and Blair.  So go make your hair look like a bird lives inside it.  The men, too.

Last, but certainly not least, why do you want to kill each other?  And why has the FBI not launched a full investigation into the murder your friends covered up 3 seasons ago?  Like O.K “A”, we get it, those girls are annoying, why don’t you just teepee their houses?  Just be like everyone else and do some sub-tweeting: “Can’t even handle you anymore #bye #overit” See? They get it.  Go put that black mask and those matches away for another time.

I’m really hoping you guys get back to me in time for all your premieres! It’s going to be crazy; I’m pregaming each episode with a season of One Tree Hill.

Oh and on second thought I can tell that quirky chess girl is already hatching a murderous plan to become popular so just drop her.

You know you love me,

XOXO

Taylor Kowalski

It’s a wonder that there hasn’t already been a movie version of the famed Broadway musical, “Les Miserables.” The show, also known by its nickname “Les Miz,” is the third longest running show on Broadway, the longest running musical on the West End and the winner of the 1987 Tony for Best Musical.

But alas, there hasn’t been a film featuring a singing Jean Valjean and Javert to grace the screens just yet. Although, there have been adaptations of the book, the best known being the 1998 film starring Liam Neeson, Geoffrey Rush, Uma Thurman, and Claire Danes.

The new musical adaptation is set to hit theaters on December 7, 2012 (just in time for Oscar season, of course). Already in the cast is Hugh Jackman as the lead male role of Jean Valjean. Joining him will be Russell Crowe as Javert, Anne Hathaway as Fantine, Eddie Redmayne (“My Week With Marilyn”) as Marius, and Helena Bonham Carter as Madame Thenardier. Rumored to be making his second appearance in a film adaptation of “Les Miserables” is Geoffrey Rush, who is in talks to play Monsieur Thenardier.

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Apart from being one of the most obnoxious celebrities, Tyra Banks has also proved to be one of the most obnoxious twitters. Before I begin dissing her “tweets,” I feel compelled to point out that in her bio she says that her location is “fierceland.” That’s not a joke.

Fierceland population: 1

Fierceland population: 1

Anyways, on October 5th, Ms.Banks tweeted “Some scenes on GossipGirl with TyTy 2night, drama. but then emotional scenes too. and sweet scenes. lots of different moments. hope you like.” There’s so much to make fun of, I’m not even sure where to begin.

First off, not only are you tweeting in third person, but you are also referring to yourself with a pet name. That’s just weird, really weird. I have to admit though; I was so relieved to hear that Gossip Girl has added some “sweet scenes.” There’s nothing more annoying than when a TV show fails to provide “sweet scenes.” I personally refuse to watch any TV show that doesn’t have “sweet scenes”, they’re simply a waste of time.

It’s also good to know that in addition to sweet scenes Gossip Girl also decided to add “lots of different moments.” I really hated that one episode where they had everyone stand in a white, empty room and stare at each other. It definitely wasn’t sweet! Seriously Tyra, I know you at least attended elementary school, and between being a supermodel and TV personality, you should really know how to form a decent sentence.

Maybe getting rid of your fake hair has let too much oxygen seep into your brain. Lala thinks you should head on back to fierceland, and straighten up your tweets.

~Lauren Tousignant