Posts Tagged ‘FRIENDS’

We’ve all seen it.  That “Friends” poster, with the cast lovingly sipping milkshakes together, giving you a look that says “Yeah, we can all touch each other’s arms and it’s not weird.”  It seems that their lives are too good to be true! Unfortunately it is too good to be true.  The problem, however, is that we still all want to be able to touch each other’s arms and have it not be weird.  We look around at our group of friends, assigning them the different roles (don’t worry, YOU are Rachel) and dream of dancing around a fountain and velvet sofa in matching white outfits/playful smiles.

Unfortunately “Friends” is a show not too entirely based in reality.

As I watch my peers embark into the horror of the real world with such expectations, I’ve observed that there are a few reasons why we just can’t be “Friends”. So buckle up, for this is fantasy-shattering:

1. People get sick of each other. Who wants to hang out with me all day, every day? I sure don’t! That’s why I go to sleep every night.  Here’s what “Friends” would look like if it were based in reality:

Monica gets a text from Chandler:

“Hey do you guys wanna hang out?”

Monica replies, “Who are you with?”

Chandler says, “Ross and Joey.”

Monica reads it aloud to the girls.  Phoebe and Rachel scrunch up their faces and shake their heads; they aren’t in the mood.  There’s a moan about not having any friends.  The girls go get Chipotle.  The show is cancelled… along with our dreams

The apartments: the huge, beautiful, could-never-afford-at-your-age-and-income apartments.  These two apartments are available AND next to each other? It’s a dream come true!  Except, it actually won’t come true.  What is true, though, is that with the salary of the jobs we’ll get out of college we can recreate “Friends” all we want with our parents because we’ll be living with them! Or in a box… that our parents bought.

2. There will be sex and that’s not just a There Will Be Blood sequel idea.  Three guys. Three girls. Everyone is weirdly too hot.  Soon the coffee shop you deemed your group’s “place” is a hot zone for awkward run-ins accompanied by averted eyes and soft, regretful sighs.

3. Hey, it’s marriage! Oh and look, a child! Wait, you’re under 40? You’re out of the group.

I could discuss how everyone will realize how creepy your Joey friend is or the annoyance of people walking into your apartment unannounced, but I know the wound of these truths is already too deep.  I leave you with a quote from the theme song, “I’ll Be There For You” by the Rembrandts.  Except not really, because I’m changing it so it makes more sense:

“I’ll be there for you! [Sometimes!] When the rain starts to pour [I won’t be there probably, it’s kind of cold outside].”

– Taylor Kowalski

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Life as a freshman can get lonely at times; you’re still in the process of making new friends as you slowly realize that some of the people you’ve been required to hang out with thus far (roommates, floor mates, people in class, etc.) are beginning to annoy the shit out of you.

For those in need of a nice place to study, make some new friends (possibly someone you’ve wanted to talk to but never had the opportunity to do so without it being awkward) and/or flee the “friends” you’ve made, check out these five spots. Who knows, maybe you’ll even run into me! (more…)

You’re feeling worthless, stupid, maybe even a little embarrassed. No one enjoys being broken up with. You don’t just wake up one day and think “wow, I would just adore to have my heart broken this afternoon.” Certain places become emotional landmines. Certain television shows, certain movies, certain people, become “off-limits.”

You’re angry and hostile and no one really wants to be around  you right now, aside from your friends–who sort of have to be. But let’s face it, your friends can only do so much. They can sit there and tell you that you deserve better, blah blah blah… but you’ve heard that from so many people already that if you hear it one more time, you might hit someone. You want to get back at your ex for making you feel so shitty. So what do you do?

The best form of revenge you can get on your ex, believe it or not, isn’t punching them in the face, or finding someone else, or even going psycho and hiring a hit person. So chill out, crazy. I know it feels like the end of the world, but consider the breakup as a favor. Also, don’t post pictures of yourself on Facebook whoring it out. Not only is it obvious that you’re doing it for attention, but you look stupid and desperate. Be classy.

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“A friend in need is a pest”

-Vince Vaughn via Wedding Crashers

"Real Girls"...Krystie and Molly getting ready to celebrate Valentine's Day in February of 1996.

"Real Girls"...Krystie and Molly getting ready to celebrate Valentine's Day in February of 1996.

I have officially decided to celebrate Valentine’s Day, after much thought and analysis, but I’m doing it up a little differently this year.

You can still celebrate Valentine’s Day in a unique way—honor the love you share with your favorite family member or an old friend. It’s not a requirement that you be in a serious relationship or even in love to take part in this historically sexist holiday.

Instead of writing someone a mushy love note and buying a super cheesy box of chocolates, I want to take some time to write a different kind of love letter—a note to my best friend, Molly. I want to encourage people not to give in to the sucky, Valentine’s Day clichés decided by Hallmark, Hershey’s, and 1800flowers.com–find your own way of embracing love. Here’s mine:

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FRIENDS Will Always Make You Laugh

Posted: January 14, 2010 by jerkmagblog in SAGE -- editor's picks
Tags: , , , ,

FRIENDS will forever be a classic television show and is always the cause of some insane laughter. Pay close attention to the 1:45 mark. Ross doesn’t make it through the original “pivot” scene, and I can’t say that I ever do.

Here’s a pick me up for the day. Who doesn’t love Friends, and more specifically, who doesn’t LOVE Pheobe’s “Smelly Cat?”

Send your favorite throwbacks to jerkmagblog@gmail.com if you want to see them posted!

~The Jerks