Posts Tagged ‘E!’

E! News: The World IS Ending

Posted: November 6, 2012 by jerkmag in VAULT -- archives, WATCH -- TV
Tags: , ,

I have been sitting in my dorm for an hour now, and for the duration of that time I have been watching the popular “news” program E! News.  I use the term “news” incredibly loosely.  Like I’m wearing a hot air balloon as a shirt kind of loose.  Don’t think I chose this – my remote is one battery short and you can’t even open the box of one of today’s televisions without the proper remote let alone change the channel.

What I’ve concluded from this confusing hour is this: E! News is horrible.  So, so horrible.  I had another sentence here but had to delete it to point out that the E! News “anchor” just called Gisele the “MPP, Most Popular Prego” of Hollywood.  To that the other “anchor” retorted, “Hah! Great joke!”  I would actually prefer to watch two ship anchors sit at a desk.

But not even the journalism prowess of two ship anchors could improve the story of “Is Miley sick of twitter?”  (Is she? I REALLY need to know) Nor could they drag themselves to the producers fast enough to let them know that Honey Boo-Boo isn’t a news correspondent.

And what kind of news program only reports on other shows on that channel?  NBC doesn’t just cover what Nick Lachey is up to in Stars Earn Stripes, why does E! spend three hours covering whether or not the Kardashians look better in ponytails or curls?

I think I have become less intelligent while watching this program, my only comfort being found in the fact that by writing this article I’ve proven to myself that I haven’t lost the ability to read.  I can’t say the same for my spelling.  That’s what editors are for, though.


-Taylor Kowalski

First the whole world watched in awe as Kate Middleton married Prince William, then this past week everyone cringed while watching Kim Kardashian marry Kris Humphries in an E! two-part special.  Obviously, a wedding as special as Kim’s had to be shown in two parts a month after the actually ceremony took place. Everyone watched the pre-wedding preparations like Kris Jenner’s facelift and Rob’s battle with his weight loss (he’s still cute even at 200+ pounds).

Like every average wedding, Kim had a personal fitting with Vera Wang for her not one, but three dresses and Robin Thicke performed. Also, did I mention Kim and Kris–Humphries that is–were paid $12 million by E! for the exclusive film rights to the wedding. I know a few people who would get married for much less.


On Chelsea Lately this week, Chelsea interviewed Taylor Momsen: the “angry”, used-to-be good, but now self-proclaimed “bad ass.” I’m just going to vent real quick. Dear Taylor Momsen, there is a reason why you were kicked off of Gossip Girl, as well as for why people don’t like you. You’re angry and bitter about your parents throwing you into the acting business as a kid, so you act out and flash your tits at seventeen years old, chain-smoke, and wear eye make-up that makes you look like road kill. It wouldn’t surprise me if you and Kristen Stewart were best friends. Neither one of you knows how to be pleasant.

On the show, Taylor talked about her new album for her band: “The Pretty Reckless”, called: “Light Me Up.” Classy, right? Wrong. The cover features a child in a leather jacket holding up a lighter.  She talks on the show about how she wanted the kid to actually be lighting up her cigarette, but everyone was completely opposed to the idea, as they should be. Taylor seemed to be confused as to why they were questioning her idea, which doesn’t surprise me in the least bit. I’m not going to lie. I probably would have given the album a listen if it weren’t for seeing the cover. I think it’s completely inappropriate. I mean, it’s one thing to be a “bad-ass”, but there is such a thing as responsibility. She was on Gossip Girl, a show that targets teenage girls. They’re obviously familiar with Momsen’s character from when she was actually on the show, so they should also be familiar with her band’s new album. What a role model… The part that kills me is that Chelsea told Momsen she was “sweet.” Dear Chelsea, I love you and all… but I think you’ve been smoking a bit too much. If you’re into bad role models, you can give the album a listen. I won’t discredit her music. Apparently some of it is actually good, but that’s not to say the girl doesn’t need church. She should be a regular.

-Julie Fuino

It’s a classic scenario. Boy meets girl, girl announces they’re dating and the next week tabloids announce that boy and girl are engaged. Girl then confirms the news that in a few days she’s getting married.

The happy and delusional couple.

The happy and delusional couple.

Wait, that hasn’t happened to you or your friends yet? Oh, right, if you’re reading this blog, then you’re probably not a “celebrity.” As Khloe Kardashian, 24, and her family taught me this week, in celebville, meeting someone and then marrying them four weeks later is “romantic” and completely normal (in order to boost your show’s ratings).