Posts Tagged ‘Brooke Belke’

Now that’s a pretty La-Z, boy…

Posted: November 2, 2009 by jerkmagblog in Uncategorized
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La-Z Boy chair: requirement for all men ages 40+.Imagine: it’s late, you’re coming home from the bars and you’ve had a lot to drink, so what do you do? Walk? No. Call a cab? No. The only logical thing to do would be to drive your La-Z-Boy home, of course!

Sounds crazy, but believe it or not Dennis LeRoy Anderson, a 62 year old man from Minnesota, did just that. After having eight or nine beers back in August 2008 he left the bar in his powered La-Z-Boy and attempted to drive himself home. Unfortunately, on his way he crashed into a parked car.

I’m surprised he made it anywhere with a blood alcohol level of 0.29, which is over three times the legal limit. Anderson was not hurt during the accident and he turned himself in, pleading guilty to a DWI during his trial on Friday.

While this situation sucks, the chair on the other hand sounds awesome. It is a recliner that has a stereo and cup holders and it is powered by a converted lawnmower. Is this what 60-year-olds do in their retirement? Do we work our asses off for years so that one day we can say, “I’m bored today, and I’m old, I think I’m going to make my chair have a motor so I can go wherever I want,” and then actually ride it to a bar?

All I can say is, wow. Mr. Anderson, at 62 I admire you for your inventiveness, but your judgment on the other hand is seriously slipping. It is also a little too late for you to be trying to relive your youth by having a middle aged crisis, which should have probably taken place about 10 years ago.

Anderson received 2 years probation for his actions. Hopefully he will behave better next time and will have the common sense to do what all other people his age do, which does not include acting like a college frat boy.

~Brooke Belke

Apparently Chivalry Isn’t Dead

Posted: October 20, 2009 by jerkmagblog in Uncategorized
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Picture this: a women upside down, on a man’s back, with her legs wrapped around his head. What does this sound like to you? If you were thinking some kinky new sex position the answer is no… sorry. This is the position that is used by the couples that compete in the sport of “wife-carrying.’

In Newry, Maine, Dave and Lacey Castro became the new champions of the wife-carrying competition. Dave carried Lacey on his back while he ran through an obstacle course that contained a muddy water hole and two log obstacles. The Castro’s are the proud recipients of Lacey’s weight in beer and five times her weight in cash. They will also get the chance to compete in the world championships in Finland.

I am shocked that this is actually real and that people actually treat this like a serious thing.

I personally don’t understand the point behind “wife-carrying”or how it came to be. The only thing I get out of this weird piece of news is that anything can become a sport these days and people will compete in it, no matter how ridiculous it is, as long as beer and cash are involved.

~Brooke Belke

Don’t forget the tartar sauce!

Posted: October 7, 2009 by jerkmagblog in Uncategorized
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If you’re having a fight with your significant other, most people tend not to play fair. In Pasadena, Texas a women was so angry at her ex-husband that she took playing dirty to a new level. The former couple had an argument about some jewelry that the husband had given his ex-wife and took back from her. So how did she retaliate? What any sane person would do of course…

She went into his apartment, took the seven goldfish that they had purchased together while married, fried them, and then proceeded to eat three of them. That must have been some pretty damn important jewelry!

Yum, imagine this cooked and fried in your tummy.

Yum, imagine this cooked and fried in your tummy.

Okay, first of all, how immature do you have to be to get back at your ex-husband by hurting his goldfish? I mean I know jewelry can be a big deal for girls, but who seriously wears jewelry from their ex’s anyway? That is the type of thing that ends up in a box under the bed, given to a friend, or is sold at a pawn shop. (more…)

“Can you put extra sugar in my coffee?” “Sure, do you want me to take my top off too?”

Excuse me, what?! Sound a little ridiculous to you? Well, in Everett, Washington this isn’t such a stretch of the imagination.

Grab and Go Bikini Hut is a coffee stand where the employees are women that serve coffee to customers while wearing bikinis. There have been reports (over 40 complaints in the last year) that these women not only make coffee, but also charge people who want to look at and touch them.

A two month undercover police investigation found that the women were even seen “licking whipped cream off of each other and posed naked for pictures at the Grab and Go.” Last Wednesday, five of the girls were arrested for prostitution. (more…)

Trashy Moments

Posted: September 24, 2009 by jerkmagblog in Uncategorized
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The famous line from the Wizard of Oz, “Toto, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore,” should be “thank god we’re not in Kansas… those people are crazy!”

We're not in Kansas anymore...

We're not in Kansas anymore...

Kansas made the weird news headlines this week when a couple got caught during an “intimate moment.” Now this may sound somewhat normal, but their “moment” was in a trash bin and to top it off they not only got interrupted, but also robbed during it.

This is definitely weird news, but it is even more insane because they were not some drunk, horny teenagers that just couldn’t wait until they got home. Oh no, the two people that got caught were both 44 years old. A trash bin? Really? You couldn’t have tried to be a little classier than that. I mean come on, who seriously looks at the place where stinky, festering, disgusting waste gets put and thinks to themselves, “isn’t that a romantic and awesome place to have sex, just hold your nose hunny!” Umm, I think not!