Posts Tagged ‘break up’

Don’t forget the tartar sauce!

Posted: October 7, 2009 by jerkmagblog in Uncategorized
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If you’re having a fight with your significant other, most people tend not to play fair. In Pasadena, Texas a women was so angry at her ex-husband that she took playing dirty to a new level. The former couple had an argument about some jewelry that the husband had given his ex-wife and took back from her. So how did she retaliate? What any sane person would do of course…

She went into his apartment, took the seven goldfish that they had purchased together while married, fried them, and then proceeded to eat three of them. That must have been some pretty damn important jewelry!

Yum, imagine this cooked and fried in your tummy.

Yum, imagine this cooked and fried in your tummy.

Okay, first of all, how immature do you have to be to get back at your ex-husband by hurting his goldfish? I mean I know jewelry can be a big deal for girls, but who seriously wears jewelry from their ex’s anyway? That is the type of thing that ends up in a box under the bed, given to a friend, or is sold at a pawn shop. (more…)

Welcome to my Lair…

Posted: September 30, 2009 by jerkmagblog in Uncategorized
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I basically harassed my lovely editor Kate at Jerk proofs all weekend long after being dumped by my serious boyfriend of three years who was non-debatably the love of my life. She mentioned that the Jerk Blog didn’t have a sex writer and that it might be the perfect antidote to my current problem. I also [weirdly] feel like it might bring out a more humorous, positive aspect of my personality. So friends and followers, here goes my first blog about SEX for the Fall semester.

I don’t exactly have the typical sex life of a single college student. Wow, I’m single. Weird. But I do promise that if I encounter any kind of sexcapades I will most definitely blog about them. At the very least, I promise to provide you with my most brilliant analysis and advice—without any juicy details of my severely lacking sexual activity as of late.

Even though Syracuse, New York isn’t exactly the most glamorous backdrop to romantic or romping intercourse, I’m going to try my very hardest to entertain you; shitty weather and a lack of decent sex shops are not going to bring us down. Instead, Syracuse is going to learn how to get down.

I’m going to try my best to channel the definite Carrie Bradshaw that I KNOW exists within me and then kick her whiny ass with her own royal blue Manolo Blahnik pumps.

Although she’s a sorry excuse for an independent woman, she did have one piece (of slightly hypocritical since she always needs SOMEONE to bail her out) advice:

 “As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a gal will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda, shoulda, woulda, buckle up and just keep going.”

When said boyfriend decided to break my heart, I thought my life was over (please don’t pity this pathetic sex blogger), but by listening to Ms. Bradshaw and picking up this uber sexual writing gig I’m slowly “buckling up” and keeping on keeping on.

Stay tuned for future posts about sex icons, the porn debate, the “walk of shame”—or is it?—and more!

-Lady Lovegood

(PS, also check out jerkmagazine.net for the Hysterical History of Female Masturbation)