Posts Tagged ‘boyfriend’

Hey. I’m Farrah Moans and I like sex. Having it, talking about it, talking about having it. I’m basically not afraid to Go There. Except I draw my line at anime porn, that’s just fucked up.

My boyfriend is abroad this semester (yeah, I’m dying), and my first thought was not, “Oh what will I do without you by my side for months?” It was, “Oh cool, I’ve never had phone sex before.”

Some initial complications with losing my phone sex virginity: Roommates. They are always home when I’m in the mood to talk dirty. Also, his phone is a piece of shit. See example: (more…)

Welcome to my Lair…

Posted: September 30, 2009 by jerkmagblog in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

I basically harassed my lovely editor Kate at Jerk proofs all weekend long after being dumped by my serious boyfriend of three years who was non-debatably the love of my life. She mentioned that the Jerk Blog didn’t have a sex writer and that it might be the perfect antidote to my current problem. I also [weirdly] feel like it might bring out a more humorous, positive aspect of my personality. So friends and followers, here goes my first blog about SEX for the Fall semester.

I don’t exactly have the typical sex life of a single college student. Wow, I’m single. Weird. But I do promise that if I encounter any kind of sexcapades I will most definitely blog about them. At the very least, I promise to provide you with my most brilliant analysis and advice—without any juicy details of my severely lacking sexual activity as of late.

Even though Syracuse, New York isn’t exactly the most glamorous backdrop to romantic or romping intercourse, I’m going to try my very hardest to entertain you; shitty weather and a lack of decent sex shops are not going to bring us down. Instead, Syracuse is going to learn how to get down.

I’m going to try my best to channel the definite Carrie Bradshaw that I KNOW exists within me and then kick her whiny ass with her own royal blue Manolo Blahnik pumps.

Although she’s a sorry excuse for an independent woman, she did have one piece (of slightly hypocritical since she always needs SOMEONE to bail her out) advice:

 “As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a gal will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda, shoulda, woulda, buckle up and just keep going.”

When said boyfriend decided to break my heart, I thought my life was over (please don’t pity this pathetic sex blogger), but by listening to Ms. Bradshaw and picking up this uber sexual writing gig I’m slowly “buckling up” and keeping on keeping on.

Stay tuned for future posts about sex icons, the porn debate, the “walk of shame”—or is it?—and more!

-Lady Lovegood

(PS, also check out jerkmagazine.net for the Hysterical History of Female Masturbation)