Archive for the ‘WATCH — TV’ Category

ABC’s latest series, Nashville, premiered Wednesday, October 10th and one thing was pretty clear from the pilot: we’ll be dealing with two versions of Taylor Swift.  There’s a super sweet blonde who essentially embodies that Taylor Swift innocence, then there’s the semi bitchy blonde who is the real Taylor Swift.

I’m kidding, but one look at Hayden Panettiere in a gold sequined dress with the most ridiculous scowl plastered on her face, and I can’t help but imagine Taylor Swift doing the exact same thing. There’s public Taylor and bitchy Taylor, and luckily for us, Nashville will be bringing us both versions for the foreseeable future.

Quick synopsis of the first episode goes something like this: Connie Britton’s character is a country legend; Hayden Panettiere’s character is the up and coming ingénue with attitude to spare. As one tries to hold on to her lackluster flame, the other will stop at nothing to achieve the type of success that will keep her away from her drug-addicted mother. I can predict nothing but lots of drama and sequins this season, but I don’t think that’s going to be a problem.

If you’re interested in watching something a bit more ridiculous than real life, chock-full of obvious love triangles and dastardly ne’er-do-wells (sorry, I’ve always wanted to use that phrase), tune in. Plus, the mom from Halloweentown has a large part in the series, making nostalgia the biggest reason to tune in. Yay, for Disney Channel Original Movies!

-Tenaysia Fox

Congratulations! You’re in a new relationship!  And while the girl your friends set you up with is different from EVERY girl out there, realize you’re still going to encounter this conversation:

Girl of Dreams: “OH MY GOD you don’t watch “BLAH”?! I’m making you watch “BLAH”! It’s my favorite EVVUUUURRR!”

You: Okay! (You’d do anything for her!)

But this is still new, and you don’t know everything about her yet, so here’s your chance to turn “BLAH” into a learning experience.  Here’s what to expect from this girl down the road, depending on what “BLAH” is.

“BLAH” is…

Any HBO show.  This girl is already out of your league, sorry.  Prepare yourself for violent, neck vein-inducing political debates laced with quotes from The Newsroom.  Don’t try to win though; anything you say is ignorant.  While this girl will bust your balls in all things ethical and historical, she’s still lingering around the TV for True Blood and Sex and the City, so there is a wild side.  Warning: Position yourself away from the TV while embarking on any sex-capades with your lady unless you want to see her eyes flicker from Eric’s hot vampire body, to your beer-filled figure, then back to Eric where they stay for the duration of the act.

Pretty Little Liars.  Go to Tops. Go to the aisle with the tissues. Buy the aisle. This girl cries a lot.  It doesn’t have to be a bad thing; you can use her tears to start that saltwater aquarium you’ve always wanted! If she’s watching one of her teen soaps and isn’t crying, she’s probably gaping at the TV in shock- CAN YOU BELIEVE WHO WAS JUST SHOT?! Neither can she!  This girl is fun though.  She’s the kind that will get really excited about a costume party, but in a fun way.  She’ll probably make your costume for you, too.  So there’s that.

Every NBC show that’s ever been on.  This is me.  I’m an NBC whore.  If you put a peacock in the corner of the screen I’ll watch whatever’s playing for three years at least (Except Whitney).  What to expect from us:  we subconsciously want to be a character on one of our dream shows so as a result we turned out weirdly TOO quirky.  We won’t sleep with you right away because Liz Lemon taught us not to, but what she did teach us to do is eat a lot so if you want to go get a grilled cheese sandwich we’re down.

Adventure Time.  Don’t know what this show is? Well that’s how it’s going to be with everything this girl likes so get used to it.  You’ll catch on though- she wants to “expose” you.  A typical date with this girl will consist of seeing a foreign film, driving around aimlessly and admiring “the bustle of life” that she scoffs you for not noticing before, and will probably end with you guys laying in her driveway smoking cigarettes.  If you’re lucky maybe you’ll get a group of her friends to run around a field with you guys while holding sparklers.

– Taylor Kowalski

ABC’s Once Upon A Time

Posted: October 11, 2012 by jerkmagblog in WATCH -- TV
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Once upon a time, ABC provided viewers with excellent programming on Sunday nights. For the housewives looking for some alternate reality, there was Desperate Housewives. For the family going through some kind of arbitrary drama, there was Brothers & Sisters. And for those looking for some random comedy clips, they could tune into America’s Funniest Home Videos. Now, we can all look forward to Once Upon A Time.

The premise of the show is pretty simple: girl grows up in a foster home, finds out she’s actually the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming, is told she must break a curse that’s trapping fairy tale characters in the real world. To be honest, it’s a pretty interesting show when you’re desperately seeking a distraction from that ten-page paper due at midnight.

The second season premiered September 30th, and to my dismay the show only seemed to get cheesier. You know how there are certain television shows that scream, “I should be a movie?” Well, this is one of those shows. While you might find yourself invested in the outcome of the storyline, there will always be this nagging sense that this alternate reality can’t last. There may not be a direct end game, but you can only write real-world story lines for fairytale characters for so long.

If you’re ever looking for some time consuming, slightly entertaining show, this is it. If you want to be challenged or kept guessing, look elsewhere.

– Tenaysia Fox

Why I Love Adult Swim

Posted: October 11, 2012 by jerkmagblog in WATCH -- TV
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Of all the truths about me, there is one that almost everyone in my life knows: I don’t sleep. No, it’s not an “I have so much work to do,” type of sleep deprivation (although that is true once October comes), it’s more of an “I really don’t understand sleeping at night,” type of deprivation. Every night, I stay awake-writing, reading, doing nothing- all in an attempt to greet the sun.

Because of this, I’m always looking for something to watch. Luckily for me, Adult Swim begins each night at 9pm. While some may hate the lineup, I’ve found some comfort in the oddest cartoons. From Superjail! to China, IL, I can always count on Adult Swim to feature something hilarious.

Now, none of these shows would be considered children’s cartoons, but as soon as the opening credits roll, I find myself as giddy as a child during the holidays. I turn up the volume, block out the world, and for the fifteen or so minutes that each of these shows airs, I avoid sleep and the harshness of my reality. I get to forget about my homework, my impending graduation and what companies I should start looking at for employment. For those few minutes, I get to forget that I’ll have to be a real adult awfully soon. Adult Swim not only gives me laughs, it brings me a bit of happiness when I’m feeling pressured into adulthood.

And all these feelings can be yours, for the small price of turning your channel to Cartoon Network at 9pm weekdays.

– Tenaysia Fox

Hey gang!  Do you love murder mysteries, but don’t want to hear about this episode’s victim ever again?  Do you like romance but are sick of vampires and how obsessed they are with Sookie Stackhouse? Do you like bright colors? Great! Me too.

That’s why I’m recommending Pushing Daisies; a show cancelled way before its time because, frankly, it was ahead of its time.

If you’re unfamiliar here’s a brief synopsis:  Ned, a now grown man and pie-maker, realized as a child he had the ability to touch the deceased and bring them back to life.  Here’s the catch: if he leaves them alive for over a minute, something nearby will kick the bucket as a price.  If he touches them again, they die for good.  He utilizes his ability by working alongside a private investigator, asking murder victims questions about their last minutes.

Where’s the heart wrenching romance, you ask?  WELL, as it turns out, Ned’s childhood sweetheart and only love was murdered! He brings her back to life for real.  Physical complications ensue, since he can never touch her again.

Another reason this show is great:  while the romance may have you marathoning for one night at least, the lack of continuation in the murder mysteries means you can actually force yourself to eat/sleep/go to school (not like Breaking Bad, where you just ignore your body for 4 days).

Besides the plot, the narration is great and adds something to the show, making it almost like watching a storybook.  The world created around the characters is an eccentric and optimistic one, an escape for the cold reality most other shows are set in.

Bottom line, if you enjoy the daytime and think puppies are great then you’ll love the world of Pushing Daisies.

– Taylor Kowalski

If you’ve kept up with How I Met Your Mother for the last 15 years like I have, you probably know the characters are finally putting their adult pants on.  We found out during the premiere that (SPOILER ALERT!) nothing new happened, because not much happened.

We continue watching though because we love it.  At least I did, until this past Monday’s (10/1) episode.  This episode was so repetitive and pointless that I was tempted to vomit all over my computer just to show my displeasure.

If you didn’t watch it, keep reading! It’ll be easier on you if I just take you through this dog-and-pony show.

It begins with stating that one of these couples will break up: Ted and Victoria, Barney and Quinn, or Robyn and whoever the hell that guy is.  Already we don’t care at all.  We know Barney and Robyn are scheduled to maybe tie the knot.  You know what else we know? You aren’t the mom, Victoria. Get out of here and make a cupcake or something.

But regardless, we have Ted and Victoria living together…with Klaus.  Doesn’t this ex-fiancé situation remind Ted of why him and Stella broke up?  The apartment should also have at least a shred of awkwardness since Klaus and Victoria left each other at the altar roughly a half hour ago, but I guess we’re just suppose to ignore that.  It’s not like there’d be leftover feelings after years of being together or anything.

Oh, and to Robyn’s boyfriend: Who are you? Do I care? I don’t know, am I suppose to?  Due to your lack of backstory I have to assume you’re either a serial killer or a ghost.

Once again though, we don’t care about any of that.  We know none of them are staying together anyway. Barney and Quinn are the ones that end up biting the dust at the end (gasp!), but it could have been any of them; I still would have responded with a dead gaze and a glance at the clock to see how much youth I wasted.

Some of you may be thinking, “Hey! How I Met Your Mother was good! There are a lot of episodes that don’t get you closer to the mother!”

To that I say yes, but those episodes were funny. (Boom! Roasted.)

– Taylor Kowalski

Oh, to Be the New Girl

Posted: October 5, 2012 by jerkmagblog in WATCH -- TV
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In a perfect world, my life would be so ridiculously amazing that epics would be written about my adventures. Sure, The Odyssey is a great work, but the tales of my journeys would be so grand that even Homer would shed silent tears in their honor. People would speak my name and recall stories they’ve heard from some wise old man. Either that or I’d be Zooey Deschanel (Jess) in New Girl. Not to discredit the many wonderful authors of this generation, but I don’t know if there’s enough source material in my ho-hum life to craft the next Iliad.

For those who’ve somehow missed the opportunity to watch this gem of a series, I must ask: What could be more entertaining than Zooey Deschanel on a Tuesday night? (Just so we’re clear, I know what you actually do on Tuesday nights, no need to think a sarcastic remark. Rhetorical question, k?) Sure, she’s quirky and she walks the tightrope that divides funny and annoying, but she does it extremely well. Her series centers around the adventures of a grade school teacher, her best friend (who happens to be a model) and the three male roommates she acquired when she caught her boyfriend cheating on her.

This season starts with her losing her job. For any other character on television, this would lead to some type of mental and emotional anguish, for Jess, this means she becomes a shot girl and ends up in a bizarre, yet perfect relationship. This doesn’t happen on fictional television shows, let alone real life. I can honestly say that I’d give anything to be unemployed, living in some gorgeous loft apartment and hanging out with three guys who just so happen to put up with any ridiculous scheme or activity on my part. It also wouldn’t hurt if I could do all of this instead of going to class next week, but oh well. A girl can hope, right?

If you’re looking for a bit of escape next Tuesday, tune in to Fox at 8pm and join the group of fans that are just envious dreamers at heart. The series is both funny and refreshing, and we all know how rare that is in today’s television market.

-Tenaysia Fox