Archive for the ‘VICES — sex, drugs & alcohol’ Category

There is no doubt in my mind that college-aged students have a “problem” with alcohol. We consume large amounts of it, binge drink on it, and even sometimes mix it with other substances. But more prevalent on campus than the problem we have with alcohol, is the problem we have with sobriety.

Whether you’re the DD, or the sober sibling of your Greek life party, being the seemingly ONLY ONE in the room not fucked up seems to be a major buzzkill. From what I’ve seen, people can have a serious issue with having to be sober and out at parties, even for just one night.

Yeah, “Levels” by Avicii while your grinding in the smelly basement of a frat is definitely not gonna be a good time abstemious, it is beginning to worry me that some of my friends can’t even think about walking to DJ’s without first downing at least four mixed drinks. We now have to pre-game the pre-game, and even drink before the after-party.

To spend a night in eating Hagen Daas and watching Netflix, is a lesser crime then going out and “not feeling” like drinking.

That really, really sober kid at a party leaves with a worse rap than the really, really drunk kid.

Similarly, we view drinking as a social activity, so our tales of drinking and drunkenness become the most widely regarded means of social interaction. Our timelines on twitter are scattered with blurry, dark instagram photos of our friends and peers passed out in the grass the night before; filled with tweets with hashtags that sound like they belong in Katy Perry’s “TGIF” song. You walk through the dining hall on any given Friday, Saturday and Sunday morning and the only words heard while standing in line for eggs are “I was literally so drunk last night, literally.”

My point is, not only is drinking glamorized in our society; it’s counterpart, sobriety, has now been absolutely shunned from the college community.

It’s no longer drinking that is the problem, it god-awful sobriety with a much worse connotation.

– Deanna Viel

Pizza Sex

Posted: September 21, 2012 by jerkmagblog in VICES -- sex, drugs & alcohol
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As your “Vices” blogger, I pledged to shed light on the truths of all things drugs, sex and alcohol. Sometimes, though, we need to discuss the lack thereof. For such a good looking, party animal driven bunch here on campus, it’s surprising how many of us are not engaging in, and have not ever engaged in the one thing that keeps us humans coming (pun intended), sex.

I mean honestly, we could play 52 pick up with all the V-cards floating around campus. Surprising ones too! The cute sorority girls with the most upbeat personalities who haven’t found a suitable first mate, or even the handsome and charismatic engineer students with smiles that light up the room, but don’t know how to react once that room goes dark. If it’s a matter of religious observance then by all means, pull a J-Simps and wait until your honeymoon to pop your hymen, (though we all saw how that worked out for her!). Something tells me, though, that I it’s not in obedience to the Bible. It’s much sadder than that.

These “women in white”, or “true gentleman” on campus just don’t know how to get the ball rolling. Sex is instinctual, once you do it a couple of times, and really get the rhythm of it, it’s easy to start, do, and well, finish (another pun people, keep up). But that’s the thing. It is hard to just jump into. Nowadays being a virgin in college poses such a difficult situation. With a large percentage of the people around you being sexually experienced, it is no doubt frustrating to not know how to easily just jump in bed with someone and “do the dirty”. Though sex, as before stated, is something embedded in our codes as human beings, it does take some trial and error, and figuring out. Basically, it’s too late now, to come to college knowing what your doing, but don’t put it off any longer. If you find someone who you are attracted to enough, and who you trust sufficiently enough that you won’t cry yourself to sleep after, go for it.

And if not, here’s my number, so call me maybe!!

Just kidding, but good luck my little celibates, and remember: sex is like pizza, even when it’s bad it’s still “pizza”. So whether your first time is Varsity, Sbarro or from Ernie, it was still sex, or pizza, pizza sex…

-Deanna Viel

Frat Beer

Posted: September 16, 2012 by jerkmagblog in VICES -- sex, drugs & alcohol
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This article is going to be short, sweet, simple and to the point. It’s on a subject a feel very strongly about. Frat Beer.

Now we all know why frat houses have kegs on kegs on kegs of beer in their living rooms of open parties… It’s not for the brothers, obviously, because they’re either “sober” brother, or they have already pregamed with gin in their smelly rooms. It’s for the bitches. We come, we drink the beer, we get fucked up, and we all dry hump each other on the speaker system. Except um, no that’s not gonna happen if the only booze your serving is piss-warm, probably-skunked Keystone. My days of being that desperate-to-drink-down-for-anything freshman are over. And I’m definitely not willing to pack on pounds of alcohol again this year unless that gut’s from Ciroc.  Last night for example, I walked up to the bar, took a beer, and proceeded to enjoy the party. Upon the first sip of beer that I took I was instantly disgusted, and felt I either wanted to vomit, or dump it on the next “sober brother” I came across. Not only was it shitty beer, but it was piss warm. Ew I wanna vom just thinking about it. Long story short, I set the beer on a podium and decided I’d rather remain semi-sober than drink anything that gross. What a waste of calories. Though we all agree frat parties are still fun sober, (NOT), I did leave shortly after the warm beer ruined my party psyche.

So, in short, if you wanna fuck bitches and get money then stop serving warm gross Keystone at your parties.

-Deanna Viel

With it only being one of the first few weeks of classes, I can definitely say “‘tis the season for the annual shit-show that is Syracuse University during the first few weeks back.” We’ve missed the tipsy vibe of the campus, the “friends” that we only take Instagram pics with when we’re hammered, and hell, maybe some of us even missed the dark and sweaty frat parties. But what surpasses all of the above in longing are those annual drunken hookups. The “accidental” slip of your tongue into a shamefully drunk freshman in your bedroom at your frat house, or the fun blonde returning to the hockey house to prey on her crush from last year. There’s just something about those first couple of weeks that is seemingly an aphrodisiac. Or maybe it’s the Xanax in the jungle juice at Castle Court. Regardless, there is some unspoken aura surrounding campus like a second dome, distinguishing in all of our not-yet-burned-out minds that it’s mating season. So, by all means leave that fraternity with the shaggy haired blonde you keep calling by the wrong name, or walk the mini-skirt clad freshman home to BBB because I’m sure by October these opportunities will be farther and fewer. There’s nothing that says welcome back quite like waking up next to someone you don’t know, right?

-Deanna Viel

“I just get like stupid high. Like, it’s ridiculous.” My roommate just admitted this laughingly. We are sitting in our dorm talking with our guy friend about our stints with Mary Jane. Our friend, let’s call him ‘Jack’, reached for the pink swirly bowl we keep on the end table and asked “you guys burn?” After we confessed that we were self proclaimed “stoner sisters”, he chuckled but did not reciprocate in sharing the hobby. When asked why he quit lighting up, Jack simply stated that he “had a bad trip.”

You’re probably laughing to yourself now saying something like “who is this douche bag that thinks he was ‘tripping’ off weed? That’s the kind of response I typically have to anyone who compares this recreational fucking plant of a drug to something similar to LSD. Anyway, I am writing this because this Jack character is not the first to have a frightening experience with this drug. One of my roommates is opposed to marijuana because she too has had an extremely scary high. So much so, that she is completely turned off to smoking completely. While I cannot imagine what a “bad trip” off weed is like, similar to how I cannot see how people can have a “bad drunk” off wine, I do sympathize for those unable to experience all that the ganja has to offer.

Obviously because I think I am weed’s personal public advocate, whenever I hear such stories I automatically utter, “laced”. I mean let’s be real,  if you “can’t feel your face” or one half of your body is hot and the other cold, or whatever bullshit, that’s the result of some mescaline or something. Though everyone’s high is different, and funny sensations as well as mild paranoia while on the drug are normal, physically painful or mentally debilitating symptoms are probably not the result of that reg you bought off your cousins friend in that one fraternity house.

I am not saying that you should smoke if you don’t like it; just take away from this article that weed is not a drug that you should be afraid of or tentative to try.  For the same reason college students need coffee, we need the opposite effect just as much. Glad I got this out in time for the “One World Concert”.

-Deanna Viel

Meet the Bloggers: Deanna Viel

Posted: September 7, 2012 by jerkmagblog in VICES -- sex, drugs & alcohol
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Sup, Jerks! I’m Deanna Viel, and I’ll blogging about your guilty pleasures, drugs, sex & alcohol. But before you get your panties wet let me give you some blogger background info.

Year and Major/Minor– Sophomore Slump, Broadcast & Digital Journalism with a minor in Communications and Rhetorical Studies

Hometown– Rochester, NY

Most Embarrassing Moment- Probably hitting a freshman girl with my car in my high school parking lot.

Biggest Lie I’ve Gotten Away With– A lady never kisses and tells.

Movie I Could Watch Over and Over Again- Anything with Anna Faris- love you girl!

**If you’re interested in becoming a Jerk Blogger, contact us at jerkmagblog@gmail.com

My intention in writing this article is to explain the newest form of synthetic drug. It’s the “all the rage” drug of the summer. You got it kids, I’m talking about bath salts. While one often can’t go a day without hearing a “must have been on bath salts” joke, (maybe its just my small town that has the obsession, I’m not really sure), or at least the casual mention of the drug, many don’t actually know what it is, or what it does. So like the good little Vices blogger I am, I hopped on my Mac to research the drug and provide some insight for the #partyproblems-type kids, here at SU.

Now we all know that WebMD is the most legitimate site to turn to with questions about health, sex and drugs, despite the probability that “Mr. WebMD” himself will ¾ times diagnose you with some rare form of cancer. Anyway, when WebMD was asked “what are bath salts” doctor Zane Horowitz responded with this perceptive answer: “The presumption is that most bath salts are MDPV, or methylenedioxypyrovalerone, although newer pyrovalerone derivatives are being made by illegal street chemists. Nobody really knows, because there is no way to test for these substances.” So what I’m gathering is that this drug is made of anything and everything that makes people go eat-my-neighbors-face-crazy, and we don’t even have a way to test it! (Notice I say we as if I am a part of the lab chemists, brilliant doctors category, ha. It was an inclusive personal pronoun, ok?) Being unsure of what this synthetic is bad trait of bath salt part A. Part B is that, also stated on the informative WedMD site, there is no test that can detect the bath salts, and the only way to discern whether or not someone is on them is if they tell you they are. With that said, this mystery drug that makes people, homicidal, suicidal, and act as if they are the star role of a Hannibal Lecter movie, cannot be certainly described, or detected.

Main argument of this article, not only are bath salts dangerous, but more so than that, mysterious. So though they are the popular, new, “all the rage” drug, lets keep them as the one nationwide trend Syracuse University doesn’t have to adapt to. Them, and colored jeggings.  So, two trends actually. You hear that, frat boys? Stick with the rufilin please, that’ll be gladly accepted at this point.

-Alison DiLaurentis

Each Sunday, some of our proud, intelligent, scholarly Syracuse students are seen doing the annual walk of shame. Now don’t deny it, we’ve all done it or will do it at some point, but on the bright side, we most likely won’t see the person or remember the dude the next day. Well unless you’re “Annie.”

Annie, the typical Syracuse girl with a Northface and Longchamp bag, is a good friend of mine and until I met her, I always thought that the awkward walk of shames were terrible.

Annie has a type of hilarious luck that I can’t pin point, but whenever it happens she calls it, “God’s Comedy Show.” Now, to explain Annie’s hilarious run-ins, it’s not the casual one run-in incident your thinking of, oh no. Annie had hooked up with less than about six guys on campus the whole year, but yet, on a regular day she would run into them about two to three times and it would be worse each time.

After meeting Annie, I realized that those run-ins, though memorable, are better just avoided.  In honor of these run-ins, Annie and I have made five simple rules that will help you avoid or handle these impromptu moments of awkwardness and keeping your dignity:

RULE #1: “Just wear a paper bag over your head.”- If wearing a paper bag over your head, cut holes so you don’t look too weird, then if about to hookup, the hookup will never see your face and you’re in luck.

RULE #2: “Be as casual as possible”: DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT point, laugh, run, scream, “OH SHIT,” when you are around the hookup’s presence.

RULE #3: “Act as though they don’t exist”: Example A: HOOKUP: “Oh hey Annie, remember me? We fucked.”  Annie: “Who are you? I don’t know, you’re invisible.”

RULE #4: “The earlier the better”: The second it hits dawn, get your ass out of that house so you both can forget what you guys looked like. This is where that old saying, “don’t look down” comes in handy.

RULE #5: “Have a sense of humor about it, cause let’s be honest it’s funny…but sad.” Laugh about it in your head, this is college. To help this process, simply and softly just say to yourself, “YOLO!”

-Lakota Gambill

Because I had, what I presume (though you never know with me!) was my last round of sex in this here Dellplain Hall, I’m feeling inspired to write of the challenges and recreations of having sex in a dorm room.

First off, the challenges: Obviously when your roommate is studying innocently a mere five feet away just behind the closet accounting for your “split double”, having a rowdy couple of rounds just isn’t in the cards. That doesn’t mean that the sex can’t be just as mind-blowingly amazing, but it shouldn’t be the loud moaning-groaning, headboard creaking, animalistic sex that can be had in an empty room. I have found whenever I am in this awfully frustrating situation, turning my fan on high will drown out the low purrs that simply can’t muffled – then cover his/her or your own mouth as a reminder to keep the humping hush, hush. It’s kind of a freaky gesture too, I mean if you’re into that sort of thing. Also, so you’re poor disgusted roommate doesn’t have to hear the body movement – let the “lady” be on top. Between the “deep” connection and the adrenaline rush of having company, the “challenge” of having an ever-present roomie will dissolve into simply a fun obstacle on the way to your daily O.

Now the fun part! The recreations of having dorm sex greatly exceed its challenges.

For starters, you should plan on doing the deed (I am not opposed to skipping a class if you have to) when there are no parents, siblings, neighbors or friends that can interrupt whatever you and your mate intend to do behind closed doors. And since dorm rooms have to be like mini homes, you have everything you could possibly need for before, during, or after sex within ten feet of reach. Pre-sex massages with your shower caddy’s lotion, and post sex Doritos and Gatorade kept, conveniently, under your bed. After you’ve moved out of the novice phase of dorm sex-life, you’ll find yourself keeping a towel at your bed side and condoms next to your Macbook.

Usually when we’re done I suggest taking a shower together (gotta get cleaned up somehow). Now, the showers are two doors down, so it’s a bit of a journey but no matter. If people see us, they see us. I don’t care. It’s college and there’s no wrong way to eat a Reeses when it comes to college sex. No one will say anything one way or another, so embrace it. It’s more fun than sex in a house full of people and it’s not gonna get DPS called on you like sex at Pascani….

Just trust me folks, throw the sock on the doorknob and have it.

-Alison DiLaurentis

Sex on The Beach

Posted: March 14, 2012 by jerkmagblog in VICES -- sex, drugs & alcohol

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

By the time many of you read this article you will either be making the journey back from wherever you embarked to for break, or already have returned from your wild week away. My mind is reeling with the many possibilities of what you all could have done – and quite frankly who you could have done – during a potentially week-long drunken stuper we college kids refer to as “Spring Break”.

Whilst I know many of you “Greeks” of SU traveled to Mexico, it is my assumption that, with daddies money of course, many other ‘Cuse students traveled down South as well. I know how it is, being away from your families, school work, and maybe even your on campus hook-ups, its freeing. And while feeling the salty wind in your hair feels nice, feeling the rough sand between your legs – does not.

While sex on the breach sounds super appealing, especially if your on a resort in a Tory Burch bikini with nothing in your system but tequila and probably Malaria, try to resist temptation until your at least in the dirty sheets of his or hers stuffy, hot resort room. Vacation hook ups, more likely than not, leave you satisfied and feeling great about yourself as sloppy as they may be. The only really detrimental agent of these sandy, drunken vacay encounters is the lack of responsibility utilized on both ends of this tropical one night stand.

It is my advice, unless you want a small Juan Carlos baking in your oven, to be smart about not only what, but also who you do while away from campus. What happens in Vegas may stay in Vegas, but similarly what happens in your fallopian tubes is there to stay as well.

-Alison DiLaurentis