The Sequel: What To Expect When Dating These Shows

Posted: February 6, 2013 by jerkmagblog in WATCH -- TV
Tags: , ,

entourage_party

Congratulations! You’re in a new relationship! This guy is AMAZING! He’s everything you want; he’s tall, his hair is great, he’s in _______________ (insert your favorite frat here).  You want to be your best self for this guy; meaning hurry up, you don’t have that much time to change your personality!

One way to start molding yourself into this “ideal woman” is to watch his favorite television show and then pretend you’ve watched it since the beginning.  And based on what that show is, you can figure out a lot about this guy right up front.

Let’s say his favorite (and your NEW favorite) show is….

Entourage.  You’ve got a winner here!  Head out to Bed, Bath and Beyond right now and stock up on dishware because you are going to need a lot of bowls and they’re not exactly for cereal. This guy is entranced by the life the Entourage crew leads, except he’s not as hot as Vince and not as successful as Ari. Basically he’s the “entourage” of someone successful who has yet to come along, so he’s just biding his time by smoking everyday and sitting around in backwards hats and hoodies.  Yeah, he’ll come with you to ___________ (insert ANY location that isn’t academic or parent related). No, he didn’t go to class today.  But you know what? He’s your bad boy phase; go for it!  Who else will smoke you out while watching Netflix with you for three hours?

Sports Center.  Not just one show, but the entire channel. That’s it. Frankly you’ll probably marry this guy because he’s sexily athletic and is way too interested in the game to do anything to really piss you off, and in the end you just don’t want to be annoyed, right? He’s THE stereotype of man; his favorite color is blue.  He likes beer.  He wants a girl who is cool enough to actually talk to and hot enough for his friends to high-five. He has poker/bowling/bar night with his friends, which is awesome because then you and your friends can go on your own screaming wine binge. These guys aren’t all identical twins; they have little quirks too.  But it’s something small, like “I’m scared of the dark”.  If you’re in-between two of these guys just pick based on whoever’s athletic prowess makes it into the bedroom and whose mom is better.

How I Met Your Mother. This guy is the shit, and you better watch out because everyone else thinks it too.  Everyone likes him. Not only is he super nice, he IS one of the sharper tools in the shed. He’s really well rounded, he reads books for pleasure and is always down for a midnight McDonalds run because hey, we’re young and he wants to live life.  The problem with this guy, however, is he IS the shit.  Look at yourself right now. Your pajama pants have ridden so far up your body they’re basically doubling as a bra, but despite having friends over you haven’t felt the need to fix it. No one would look twice at you right now and think you would be a good match for this guy. Even if you are lucky enough to find this guy and hitch up as equals, there will be fifty people off to the side saying, “HE’S with HER?”

-Taylor Kowalski

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