E! News: The World IS Ending

Posted: November 6, 2012 by jerkmag in VAULT -- archives, WATCH -- TV
Tags: , ,

I have been sitting in my dorm for an hour now, and for the duration of that time I have been watching the popular “news” program E! News.  I use the term “news” incredibly loosely.  Like I’m wearing a hot air balloon as a shirt kind of loose.  Don’t think I chose this – my remote is one battery short and you can’t even open the box of one of today’s televisions without the proper remote let alone change the channel.

What I’ve concluded from this confusing hour is this: E! News is horrible.  So, so horrible.  I had another sentence here but had to delete it to point out that the E! News “anchor” just called Gisele the “MPP, Most Popular Prego” of Hollywood.  To that the other “anchor” retorted, “Hah! Great joke!”  I would actually prefer to watch two ship anchors sit at a desk.

But not even the journalism prowess of two ship anchors could improve the story of “Is Miley sick of twitter?”  (Is she? I REALLY need to know) Nor could they drag themselves to the producers fast enough to let them know that Honey Boo-Boo isn’t a news correspondent.

And what kind of news program only reports on other shows on that channel?  NBC doesn’t just cover what Nick Lachey is up to in Stars Earn Stripes, why does E! spend three hours covering whether or not the Kardashians look better in ponytails or curls?

I think I have become less intelligent while watching this program, my only comfort being found in the fact that by writing this article I’ve proven to myself that I haven’t lost the ability to read.  I can’t say the same for my spelling.  That’s what editors are for, though.

 

-Taylor Kowalski

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