Blow You A Kiss

Posted: October 21, 2012 by jerkmagblog in VICES -- sex, drugs & alcohol
Tags: , ,

In my head I’m counting. I think I just hit 15 Mississippi (yeah people I have skills), when he moans the throatiest and most signifying of moans; and here it cums.

I get my daily intake of protein, do a nice hair flip and straddle a squat, as if that were singlehandedly the best moment of my day. I know he enjoyed it. This poor guy has had blue balls for nearly three weeks and it was so quick and painless, that I have to admit it was kind of fun for me too.

I don’t necessarily know what I want to happen next. A hot and steamy make out session would be nice, but I understand the whole idea of a guy not wanting to “suck his own dick”, so I give him his space. We proceed to lay in my bed and watch Netflix until finally I become so bored and annoyed that I announce that I’m going to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I come back and lay down expectantly, but still he doesn’t make a move to kiss me. He can’t be in his “don’t touch me zone” because he’s still cuddling, rubbing and even kissing my head and shoulders, but yet we go to bed without a single kiss. I think he is just an unappreciative little bastard.

In the morning when he leaves without kissing me goodbye, which has been somewhat a ritual for our coed sleepovers, I can’t help but ask myself, “are guys really that turned off by blowjob kisses?” Even after brushing our teeth and getting a full night’s sleep?

Guys, there may not be a bigger turnoff for y’all than dick breath, but for us ladies, there is no bigger turnoff than douchiness. If you feel uncomfortable kissing a girl after she has had her mouth wrapped around your dick, tell her! Ask her kindly to brush her teeth, use Listerine, or eat something sweet, who knows, just don’t do a complete 180 in behavior after your 30-second day maker. You can bet your bottom dollar I won’t be going down on that fella again. If you can’t kiss my perfectly cum free mouth (freshly brushed mouth) and adorable face in the morning, what makes you think you deserve my mouth around your cock at night?

-Deanna Viel

  1. Emily says:

    I’m dying!

  2. Chris Azar says:

    Hey Alison, after reading your story here’s my hunch .. He’s not that into you. The no kissing after you brushed, the no kissing in the morning, that’s bullshit. However, if you’re convinced I’m wrong and this is a usual hookup or a regular boyfriend, then here’s some unsolicited advice: don’t get up, don’t roll over, don’t run to the bathroom. Swallow (you can show him your empty mouth afterwards even, that’s always really hott) and grab his face and kiss him. Take what you want. Most likely he’s never made out after getting head before and he’s nervous (kinda like right before the first time any girl tasted cum for the first time).

    So getting head is great. Know what’s not great? Finding out what your girl is thinking or what she wants three weeks later when you read it in Jerk. This is a classic example of “Boys are dumb and girls are crazy.” Alison, you are not alone in your frustration with the oblivious nature of man. But there is one think I can assure you of: he is NOT an “unappreciative little bastard.” He’s just oblivious to your needs and desires, just like the rest of us.

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