Why Your Life (Sorry) Will Never Be Like “Friends” (I’m Really Sorry)

Posted: September 24, 2012 by jerkmagblog in POP - pop culture
Tags: , , , , , ,

We’ve all seen it.  That “Friends” poster, with the cast lovingly sipping milkshakes together, giving you a look that says “Yeah, we can all touch each other’s arms and it’s not weird.”  It seems that their lives are too good to be true! Unfortunately it is too good to be true.  The problem, however, is that we still all want to be able to touch each other’s arms and have it not be weird.  We look around at our group of friends, assigning them the different roles (don’t worry, YOU are Rachel) and dream of dancing around a fountain and velvet sofa in matching white outfits/playful smiles.

Unfortunately “Friends” is a show not too entirely based in reality.

As I watch my peers embark into the horror of the real world with such expectations, I’ve observed that there are a few reasons why we just can’t be “Friends”. So buckle up, for this is fantasy-shattering:

1. People get sick of each other. Who wants to hang out with me all day, every day? I sure don’t! That’s why I go to sleep every night.  Here’s what “Friends” would look like if it were based in reality:

Monica gets a text from Chandler:

“Hey do you guys wanna hang out?”

Monica replies, “Who are you with?”

Chandler says, “Ross and Joey.”

Monica reads it aloud to the girls.  Phoebe and Rachel scrunch up their faces and shake their heads; they aren’t in the mood.  There’s a moan about not having any friends.  The girls go get Chipotle.  The show is cancelled… along with our dreams

The apartments: the huge, beautiful, could-never-afford-at-your-age-and-income apartments.  These two apartments are available AND next to each other? It’s a dream come true!  Except, it actually won’t come true.  What is true, though, is that with the salary of the jobs we’ll get out of college we can recreate “Friends” all we want with our parents because we’ll be living with them! Or in a box… that our parents bought.

2. There will be sex and that’s not just a There Will Be Blood sequel idea.  Three guys. Three girls. Everyone is weirdly too hot.  Soon the coffee shop you deemed your group’s “place” is a hot zone for awkward run-ins accompanied by averted eyes and soft, regretful sighs.

3. Hey, it’s marriage! Oh and look, a child! Wait, you’re under 40? You’re out of the group.

I could discuss how everyone will realize how creepy your Joey friend is or the annoyance of people walking into your apartment unannounced, but I know the wound of these truths is already too deep.  I leave you with a quote from the theme song, “I’ll Be There For You” by the Rembrandts.  Except not really, because I’m changing it so it makes more sense:

“I’ll be there for you! [Sometimes!] When the rain starts to pour [I won’t be there probably, it’s kind of cold outside].”

– Taylor Kowalski

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Comments
  1. Katie G. says:

    This is awesome Taylor!

  2. Jess R says:

    hahaha i love you

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