Frat Beer

Posted: September 16, 2012 by jerkmagblog in VICES -- sex, drugs & alcohol
Tags: , ,

This article is going to be short, sweet, simple and to the point. It’s on a subject a feel very strongly about. Frat Beer.

Now we all know why frat houses have kegs on kegs on kegs of beer in their living rooms of open parties… It’s not for the brothers, obviously, because they’re either “sober” brother, or they have already pregamed with gin in their smelly rooms. It’s for the bitches. We come, we drink the beer, we get fucked up, and we all dry hump each other on the speaker system. Except um, no that’s not gonna happen if the only booze your serving is piss-warm, probably-skunked Keystone. My days of being that desperate-to-drink-down-for-anything freshman are over. And I’m definitely not willing to pack on pounds of alcohol again this year unless that gut’s from Ciroc.  Last night for example, I walked up to the bar, took a beer, and proceeded to enjoy the party. Upon the first sip of beer that I took I was instantly disgusted, and felt I either wanted to vomit, or dump it on the next “sober brother” I came across. Not only was it shitty beer, but it was piss warm. Ew I wanna vom just thinking about it. Long story short, I set the beer on a podium and decided I’d rather remain semi-sober than drink anything that gross. What a waste of calories. Though we all agree frat parties are still fun sober, (NOT), I did leave shortly after the warm beer ruined my party psyche.

So, in short, if you wanna fuck bitches and get money then stop serving warm gross Keystone at your parties.

-Deanna Viel


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