Diggin’ Out In The Dorms

Posted: May 2, 2012 by jerkmag in VICES -- sex, drugs & alcohol

Because I had, what I presume (though you never know with me!) was my last round of sex in this here Dellplain Hall, I’m feeling inspired to write of the challenges and recreations of having sex in a dorm room.

First off, the challenges: Obviously when your roommate is studying innocently a mere five feet away just behind the closet accounting for your “split double”, having a rowdy couple of rounds just isn’t in the cards. That doesn’t mean that the sex can’t be just as mind-blowingly amazing, but it shouldn’t be the loud moaning-groaning, headboard creaking, animalistic sex that can be had in an empty room. I have found whenever I am in this awfully frustrating situation, turning my fan on high will drown out the low purrs that simply can’t muffled – then cover his/her or your own mouth as a reminder to keep the humping hush, hush. It’s kind of a freaky gesture too, I mean if you’re into that sort of thing. Also, so you’re poor disgusted roommate doesn’t have to hear the body movement – let the “lady” be on top. Between the “deep” connection and the adrenaline rush of having company, the “challenge” of having an ever-present roomie will dissolve into simply a fun obstacle on the way to your daily O.

Now the fun part! The recreations of having dorm sex greatly exceed its challenges.

For starters, you should plan on doing the deed (I am not opposed to skipping a class if you have to) when there are no parents, siblings, neighbors or friends that can interrupt whatever you and your mate intend to do behind closed doors. And since dorm rooms have to be like mini homes, you have everything you could possibly need for before, during, or after sex within ten feet of reach. Pre-sex massages with your shower caddy’s lotion, and post sex Doritos and Gatorade kept, conveniently, under your bed. After you’ve moved out of the novice phase of dorm sex-life, you’ll find yourself keeping a towel at your bed side and condoms next to your Macbook.

Usually when we’re done I suggest taking a shower together (gotta get cleaned up somehow). Now, the showers are two doors down, so it’s a bit of a journey but no matter. If people see us, they see us. I don’t care. It’s college and there’s no wrong way to eat a Reeses when it comes to college sex. No one will say anything one way or another, so embrace it. It’s more fun than sex in a house full of people and it’s not gonna get DPS called on you like sex at Pascani….

Just trust me folks, throw the sock on the doorknob and have it.

-Alison DiLaurentis

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