Sanitary Shots

Posted: April 29, 2012 by jerkmagblog in VAULT -- archives

It’s Friday night after a long week of tests, papers, and homework (not to mention personal drama, which seems to be never-ending) and you’re looking to spend a relaxing night in. Just kidding – you’re looking to get trashed. But here’s the sitch: there’s not a drop of alcohol anywhere to be found in your room. There is, however, an awfully inviting bottle of hand sanitizer sitting on your desk. I mean, it is like 60 percent alcohol; and it smells pretty great when you clean your hands with it… Do you open it up and pour yourself a shot?

I really, really hope not. Mainly because it’s absolutely nauseating, but it’s also extremely dangerous – but that didn’t stop some kids in Los Angeles from downing the antiseptic beverage and ultimately being sent to the hospital for alcohol poisoning.

According to, teenagers are getting their hands on the cheap hand cleaner, using salt to separate the alcohol, and then, well, getting drunk off of it. And when I say “drunk,” I mean DRUNK. These hand sanitizer cocktails can be as high as 120 proof, almost double the amount of a shot of vodka. Oh, and did I mention that these sanitary shots will also probably burn the inner lining of our stomach? Yeah. They make alcoholic beverages for a reason: so people don’t have to resort to drinking indigestible substances.

But aside from drinking something that will bring tears to your eyes if it gets inside an open cut on your hand, the most disturbing part of this new fad is that people are so focused on altering their consciousness that they’ll put just about anything in their bodies. Whatever happened to treating your body as a temple? And what about maintaining your dignity? Do you really want to have to tell people that you got knockdown, drag-out, hospital bedridden drunk off of disinfectant? I didn’t think so. Do yourselves a favor and leave the sanitizer strictly for your hands.

—Amber Brenza


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