A Guide to Dirty Talk

Posted: March 31, 2012 by jerkmagblog in VAULT -- archives

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dirty talk is one of the easiest ways to amp things up in the bedroom without having to undergo some acrobatic training beforehand. But to really pull it off well and get your partner seriously hot and bothered requires more mental dexterity than physical. Here are a few tips for those of you who aren’t how to get started using your tongue for something other than licking.

Make Sure You’re Both Comfortable

Lean in and whisper something in his or her ear while you’re still in foreplay stages and take note of the response. Start simple by growling a benign compliment while you’re kissing them, like, “You look so hot tonight” and if respond well by moaning, giggling or pushing back into you, then you’ve got the green light to keep going.

Perfect Your Sexy Voice

Tonality is the most important aspect of dirty talk. As we know, almost anything can sound sexy if you type it with a winky face. 😉 The same logic applies for trying to seduce someone verbally. This may be one of the few times where you’d want to model yourself after Kim Kardashian, whose sultry voice successfully made salad sexy.

It’s Sex, Not Science Class

There is nothing sexy about the word “cunnilingus”. You’re not writing an instruction manual, you’re trying to turn someone on. Word choice is key and so don’t shy away from all those naughty slang terms that you’ve been collecting in your head. Just be careful that you don’t push it too far, and end up getting pushed out of bed. If your girl is the type to get offended when people swear a blue streak, she might not take to kindly to you calling her precious flower a dirty c-word.

Describe Your Fantasies

The easiest way to get your head in the game is to start describing a sexual fantasy. Talk about what you wish you could do to each other, where you could do it and provide plenty of tantalizing details about how it would feel. This will get your creative juices, as well as a few others, flowing until your both begging to make the fantasy a reality.

Save the Details for the Foreplay

It’s easier to avoid awkward slips of the tongue if you’re not concentrated on doing other things. Dirty talk works best when it’s a lead in to the main act, seeing as it may be difficult to talk with your mouth full. Once I tried to throw out a few sexy one-liners while my boyfriend was mid-thrust and ended up saying “I want you inside me,” which was awkward because, well, he already was. Keep all declarative statements short and simple so that they can be easily screamed and don’t require in-depth analysis. Save all your crafty metaphors and similes for the love notes later.

-Kitty Pedding

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