So Snooki’s pregnant and more things I wish I didn’t care about….

Posted: March 6, 2012 by jerkmag in VAULT -- archives, WATCH -- TV

20 years old, pretty good writer, into pop punk music, tattoos and deep, brooding poetry. This is the side of myself I wish I spent more time with. We all have one. The “you” that you are when you’re at home in the bath tub with your rubber duck, in bed with your old stuffed animal, thinking about all the things you have to get done and the bigger picture. But then there’s the “you” that even you can’t stand: the pop culture crazed, preoccupied moron who can’t get his/her eyes off the tv. So here it is, my list of shit I WISH I didn’t care about…

1. The Kardashian’s – I SO WISH that I did not care about this family. But I do, I love them to death and I would LOVE to be apart of that crazy Brady Bunch… from Kim’s divorce to Kourtney’s pregnancies and Khloe’s marriage, I AM HOOKED. And not even the I hate them but I watch because it’s a train wreck kind of kiveI really love them.

2. Snooki Polizzi’s Pregnancy – I didn’t even start watching the show until this season (the episode when Vinny left to be exact) and now I’m obsessed. And even worse, I find them to be kind of endearing… am I even hearing what I’m saying?! These train wreck tv stars who get paid for nothing but being wasted… and I’d gladly be that babies fairy godmother if Snooki asked. *fingers crossed*

3. Justin Beiber’s 18th Birthday – I don’t even like Justin Beiber (except maybe that song Baby…that‘s catchy). But seriously, I think the kids the biggest tool since Mike “the Situation“ Sorrentino…but I wasted my precious time today reading his damn top 10 most pathetic birthday tweets. And I care because…..

4. Teen Mom – It was bad enough when I wasted time supporting your bad choices on 16 and Pregnant, now I have to suffer through you being the only thing on at 3pm when I flip through the channels?! And of course, now I’m invested…Thank you for another winning waste of my time, MTV.

5. Real Housewives of whoever the fuck cares – Whether you’re from Atlanta, New York, LA, Georgia, or (SNL’s latest hit spoof ) Disney, you’re all overpaid, over the top, overly botox-ed AND I STILL WANT TO WATCH YOU RIP EACHOTHERS WEAVES OUT. Even though one of your boobs probably cost money than I’ll make in my life, I will still lay on the couch for hours with a bowl of popcorn and some tissues crying over how I’ll never be as rich as you. If only I could afford a birthday party for my 1 year old and 200 of her closest friends… yea… right…..

So there you have it… the top five things I wish I didn’t give a shit about. Now that I just spent 25 minutes compiling and ranting that list let me go finish that episode of The Bachelor I haven’t finished….

-Victoria White


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