Stealing from the Girl Scouts — Has It Come to This?

Posted: November 14, 2011 by jerkmag in VAULT -- archives
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I question humanity sometimes, I really do. Two men in Bowie, Maryland are wanted for stealing money from the Girl Scouts after reportedly asking them how much their cookies were. Seriously? The Girl Scouts? You’re that much of a panzy that you have to go and steal from the Girl Scouts? It would be one thing maybe if you stole from a bunch of Eagle Scouts because at least some of them are adult men, but ten-year-old girls, really?

There’s a group of young Boy Scouts that sell their popcorn in front of my store in the mall who literally guard their cash box with their entire lives. Not to mention, they have a really scary lady troop leader who Chuck Norris might even be afraid of. Perhaps, it should be the goal of every Boy Scout or Girl Scout troop in America not just to sell the best snacks in the country, but also to be lead by scary troop leaders. Did I mention she walks around with a walking stick? Bitch looks crazy, but at least she wards off thieves.

I can’t help but wonder how much money was in the Girl Scout cash box. I also want to know what these men look like–mostly because I’m really shallow and kind of want to pick them apart for everything wrong with them, but can you blame me? They stole from the freaking Girl Scouts. Every former Scout and/or babysitter should be outraged!

Here is a video of a really stupid girl who also stole from the Girl Scouts and claims she did it because “she needed the money,” as she’s sipping away on a Starbucks Frappuccino.

-Julia Fuino

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