A ‘Shore’ Way Towards Enlightenment

Posted: November 3, 2011 by jerkmag in BLOGS WE LIKE, CRISP -- health, VAULT -- archives
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Yes, it’s true. Snooks is an author. Formally known as Nicole Polizzi, star of MTV’s “Jersey Shore,” has translated her guidette lifestyle into a book. The GTL glamorous lifestyle has actually turned into a New York Times bestseller. What are the odds?

Gia and her cousin, Bella, each find a ripped, yummy juicehead to hook up with, but with rivals, frenemies and grenades in the mix, can the two cousins stay close or will the trivialities of the GTL lifestyle tear them apart?

“A Shore Thing” tells the story of two girls looking for summer fun Jersey style: guidos, clubbing and glowing tans. The main character, Giovanna “Gia” Spumanti, is physically indistinguishable from the real-life Snooki, and her best friend Isabella “Bella,” “Bells” or “Hell’s Bells” Rizzoli sounds just like JWoww, another “Jersey Shore” star.  

Even their bodies are enhanced in the same way: “She’d waited her whole life for tits to grow and finally gave up on Mother Nature and turned to Dr. Rosenberg. He boosted her from a 32B to a 34D. Not a major change. As a karate brown belt and runner, Bella couldn’t haul around a pair of watermelons.” Good point. Hopefully her lovely badonk will make up for it.

It was a boring day at the bookstore when I picked this one up, sat my own badonk on the couch and read it for about two hours. Don’t worry, Jerks, I didn’t waste my money. The book is like the TV show: if you’re looking for entertainment, you’re in the right place. This bestseller has it all: guidos, tanning, the pouf and saving the lives of sharks.

-Vania Myers

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