Have Sex, Not a Heart Attack

Posted: October 25, 2011 by jerkmag in CRISP -- health
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

If you’re lame enough to need a pickup line to come anywhere close to a girl, try telling her that by having sex with you for more than just tonight, she can reduce her risk of dying from cardiac arrest. Unless, of course, you’re seriously that horrendously ugly to the point where she looks at you the next morning and regrets her very decision for being there in the first place. Because then, and only then, will she actually have a heart attack.

Recent studies from Tufts and Harvard are showing that those who engage in episodic sexual intercourse are more at risk of having a heart attack than those who do it regularly. Occasional sex raises the chance of having a heart attack by more than 2.5 percent in individuals who lack in proper exercise and diet. So let’s be real, that’s all of us–especially if you find yourself on campusfood.com more than once a week.

Those who have sex on a regular basis offset their chances of a heart attack by 45 percent. So here are your options: Have more sex or stay celibate. And judging by this campus, I’m guessing more sex is in everyone’s future, if not already. In all seriousness though, don’t be stupid. Wrap it up. No one here is majoring in babysitting.

-Julia Fuino

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Comments
  1. […] knows, your after-midnight man might just be your next 2+ year relationship. And we all know that more sex is actually better for your health than every once in a […]

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