Retainers–A College Faux Paus?

Posted: October 17, 2011 by jerkmag in VAULT -- archives
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It’s a general understanding that retainers are just gross and a total reminder of middle school. Actually, I take that back; ALL oral tools (braces, retainers, mouth guards, etc.) are just plain disgusting and should only be worn during or before puberty.

But what do you do when you are supposed to wear your retainer to bed in order to keep your teeth straight?  I’ve been struggling with this ever since school started, after noticing my teeth were shifting over the summer (thank you, wisdom teeth).  I remember one time I tried wearing it to bed, only to find my roommate giving me a puzzling look saying, “I didn’t know you wore a retainer…”

I don’t want to be that loser on the floor who cares about her teeth enough to wear a retainer every night, but, at the same time, I don’t want my teeth totally fucked up to the point where I’ll potentially need braces again. So you can see my dilemma. Jerks, I need your advice. What should I do?

-Fresh Meat

  1. d1dub says:

    You’re the daughter of one of the richest, most successfull mofos ever to play in the NBA (but who totally can’t play baseball. or golf. although he did whoop some animated monsters’ asses in Spacejam passed his prime).
    Anyhow, if the Doc says wear your retainer and you don’t because you’re worried that your roommate, who already knows you wear a retainer, might ruin your ego any more than your pizza butt already has by itself, THEN you’re a loser.

    You could always get daddy to sell a signed pair of shoes and buy you new teeth. 🙂

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