Dawn of the Dead: Jane Austen Style

Posted: October 6, 2011 by jerkmag in BLOGS WE LIKE, CRISP -- health, VAULT -- archives
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“Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” by Seth Grahame-Smith

“It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains will be in want of more brains.” That’s pretty much how “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” reads. The Bennet sisters are minding their own business, hanging out in their Empire-waistline dresses, when all of a sudden, reanimated human corpses try to eat their brains.

For over 50 years, zombies have overrun England, provoking people like the Bennets to send their daughters away to China to learn some ass-kicking zombie action, and prompting others, like Lady Catherine de Bourgh, to employ armies of ninjas. Added to the familiar plot turns that bring Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy together is the fact that both are highly skilled killers, slaying zombies on the way to their happy ending.

Okay, there’s a little too much vomiting and gore going on throughout the book for my liking. Elizabeth Bennet can be merciless as she kills zombies and eats their hearts. Overlooking those quirks, I’m glad that there’s this twist of romance-gone-zombieland. About 80 percent of the text is preserved from the original, which caused some stir from the critics. I loved the original “Pride and Prejudice,” so I respect that Seth Grahame-Smith kept her wit and humor.

Oh, and Mr. Darcy. He’s still the mysterious, caring hero from “Pride and Prejudice.” Just add in a bad-ass zombie slayer. At a neighborhood ball, 
Elizabeth, Darcy and Bingley come upon unmentionables feeding on some slaughtered servants. Says Mr. D: 
”I don’t suppose…that you would give me the honour of dispensing of this unhappy business alone. I should never forgive myself if your gown were soiled.” Miss Bennet 
replies, ”The honour is all yours, Mr. Darcy.”

I’d take him over a shirtless Taylor Lautner any day.  If only the original Darcy–Colin Firth–would be willing to be in the remake movie. Yes, there’s a movie coming out. For the Jane Austen snobs with no sense of humor, don’t even bother. It’s just a hilarious, different way to revisit a timeless classic. Jerks, this is a must-read.

-Vania Myers


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