Go Big or Go Home

Posted: September 27, 2011 by jerkmag in VAULT -- archives
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Kitten heels. The words alone make me cringe. The thought of someone actually wearing them in public makes me want to projectile vomit.My (imaginary) best friend Lauren Conrad once said, “Kitten heels are the mullet of all shoes.” And no one enjoys a mullet. There’s no way you can make them cute, and the same goes for kittens.

I hate them with a fiery passion. I do not care how Audrey Hepburn-esque they are, they suck. They’re like a confused mixture of a good flat and a pair of chopped in half stiletto pumps. I don’t want to hear the excuse of heels hurt to walk in. Blah blah blah. Invest in a wedge for God’s sake and stop being so damn lazy. Anybody can walk in a wedge. Some can even make the argument that kitten heels are even harder to walk in because of the awkward wobbly sorry excuse for a heel. Seriously, take off the training wheels and suck it up.

There is never a good reason for a kitten heel, ever. I dare you to give me one. Unless you’re younger than 10 (ahem, Suri Cruise) or over 50 (which I still don’t approve), then you’re off the hook. Otherwise, refrain.

-Taylor Bryant

  1. H. E. Lexus says:

    I could not agree more… What a waste of material… If you are going to wear a heel, than make it worth it… If you are going to wear flats… Well, it is too bad but in any event, each to its own… 😉

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