‘Pussy’ Energy Drink

Posted: August 8, 2011 by jerkmag in VAULT -- archives
Tags: , , , ,

I wish I was kidding, but you probably don’t, you horndog. A note from the brand masters themselves: “Pussy is a 100% natural drink. No nasty chemicals and nothing manufactured. It is made for people looking for a natural alternative. The name Pussy shocks and demands attention–that’s the point. Inhibition is a recipe for mediocrity. This is a premium energy drink named with confidence.”

Well, they got that right. It definitely caught my attention when I saw this picture, advertising an energy drink. But really? What other body parts could sell completely irrelevant products? Next thing you know, the word “penis” will be used to sell body sprays. I imagine that could get a little awkward.

Obviously, the energy drink was named “Pussy” to shock consumers and make them want to try the drink simply because of its name, but what does a vagina have to do with an energy drink? As the consumer in the video puts it: “this tastes nothing like pussy.” Well, no kidding! I don’t know about you, ladies, but what I have going on down there is not made out of “a blend of fresh white grape juice, limes, or six selected botanical herbs.”

Not to mention, I’d be completely creeped out if I was talking to a guy who drinks “Pussy.” I once dated a guy who was addicted to Monster energy drinks. I mean, what guy isn’t, right? So much so, that whenever I’d get in his truck, I’d notice a new empty can, different from the one the night before. He experimented with the entire “Monster” family, and had over 20 empty cans of various “Monsters” all over his room. (Apparently “Monster” cans are collector’s items?) I thought his addiction to energy drinks was strange, considering he knew how unhealthy they are. Now, I’m just trying to imagine myself climbing in his truck, but rather than finding a can of Monster, I find a can that says “Pussy.”

To me, nothing about this drink says “bad ass” or “ladies man.” Instead, it says: “Hi. I’m a douchebag.” But hey, if that’s the look you’re going for these days guys, have at it. I personally consider this item 100% socially unacceptable. For some more trends in pop culture that we Jerks simply can’t stand, catch up on Trends We Hate.

-Julia Fuino
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Comments
  1. […] from 9 p.m. to 7 a.m. Needless to say, mass consumption of energy drinks may have been involved. (Not this kind.) I can stop whenever I […]

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