It was the Mercedes Benz Fashion Week for swimwear in Miami this week, which means only one thing: skin.  Oh yes, the Miami heat upped the ante with cheek-bearing bottoms for men, putting the term “Speedo” to shame and an incentive to getting married in, get this, bridal bikinis. Do we really need that? Yes, yes we do. Thanks to Beach Bunny Swimwear for that cascading bow on my ass.

And an even bigger thank you to Sonia Vera—a hottie herself—for fulfilling every man’s dream on the beach by designing bikinis that show a lady’s apple bottoms. DSquared and Versace have designed uber tighty-whiteys for those who like to hang-three, uh I mean, hang-ten beach side surfers and tanners alike.

Lisa Blue, who drew harsh criticism from Hindus for her “Lakshmi” goddess design, took a step down from controversy and plastered Botticelli’s “Birth of Venus” across a swimsuit instead. In fact, most of her swimwear collection featured naked women on naked women. The Perfect Tan Bikini collection really accomplished its reputation with designs like this stick-on bikini top that only covers the breasts. Good-bye tan lines, hello perfect tan. And for designers Dolores Cortes and Red Carter, it’s either you’re covered with black lines or you’re not covered at all with rainbow stripes.

Which designer would you buy from? Honestly, I wouldn’t buy from any because I don’t have $200 to throw down for a piece of fabric covering only my crotch, ahem, Sonia Vera. And for those who don’t know, fashion is a separate world in itself. There are “fashion week” shows that designers from across the world present their collections at to buyers and consumers alike, ranging from fall/winter season clothes to summer-only bikinis, like this year’s Miami fashion week for swimwear.

-Karen Hor

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