Condoms Come in Handy for NYC Subway Riders

Posted: June 16, 2011 by jerkmag in VAULT -- archives
Tags: , , ,

I’m sure a bunch of you have internships in Manhattan this summer, so you’re likely familiar with the subway. It’s dirty, cramped, and the fresh stench of body odor is almost always present, especially in the summer. With over five million people riding the subway everyday, the trains are havens for germs. That’s a part of the glory of New York Transit, and anyone who tries to change that is messing with the New York City way of life. Well, MetroMitt LLC is trying to do just that.

Let me introduce you to the MetroMitt, aka the hand condom. It’s a mixture between a plastic sandwich bag and a lunch lady’s glove, with a terribly designed logo on top. The purpose is to clean up your commute, and prevent the spreading of disease and viruses. Not just any viruses, the company is proud to announce that the Mitts prevent diarrhea, zits, pinkeye, and sore throats. It’s tacky and wasteful, and if you’re going to wear a metro mitt, you better recognize that you look stupid. If you really care that much about a spout of diarrhea, spare yourself and don’t ride the subway. Or even go crazy and wash your hands after your ride.

I first noticed the product as a man screamed “Dirty poles, dirty poles down there!” at me at 8 a.m. in the morning. If you’re trying to sell a hand condom on a Monday morning, the best way isn’t to scream at irritated New Yorkers. To my surprise, people were actually taking the gloves like they were free cups of coffee.

Although the company claims to greatly increase the cleanliness of your commute, they are also providing advertisers with yet another platform. MetroMitt is in fact trying to sell ad space on the glove. While this will make the product free, it also means we will be further bombarded with advertising if this thing is actually successful. Advertisers will pay to literally have a place on the back of your hand. Jerks I beg you, either embrace the filth of the city or wash your hands every once in a while. Say no to the MetroMitt.

-Victoria Troxler

  1. Christina says:

    This is brilliant. Now only if the subway provided bags that deterred creepy men, usually older than 40, from trying to get you to meet them in Central Park for lunch.

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