A perspective on those pesky prospective students

Posted: April 19, 2011 by jerkmag in VAULT -- archives
Tags: , , ,

Nagging mother, orange reusable shopping bag, and a camera. It must be a prospective student. Over the past three weeks, our treks across campus have been bombarded by high school seniors with out-of-control acne and a ridiculously low alcohol tolerance.

 As a residence hall tour guide, I have numerous inactions with these doe-eyed and eager youth. I am particularly fond of the parent carrying a fanny pack and S.U. Bookstore shopping bag, who insists on asking all of the questions on behalf of their student. It’s comedic. Watching as the parents reassure their child that “this is a nice dorm” because “it’s larger than mine was when I was in college” or a student role their eyes as their parent’s inquires about S.U.’s party scene, is priceless. Free entertainment, provided twice-a-week for anyone who serves as a campus or residence hall tour guide.

After a mother had scoped out my living quarters and determined that they were sufficient for her child, she asks me, “Why is it so clean?” I guess I didn’t realize that college students were expected to be dirty, lazy creatures.

As I look around my room though, I am surrounded by a sea of shot glasses. You would think that eighteen shot glasses might catch someone’s attention. I expected an inquiry into my drinking habits, but was instead asked if the bed’s mattress was plastic wrapped. I guess the “What the fuck happened last night?” written on a drinking cup isn’t eye-catching enough.

One of the questions I am always expecting to answer is the one about campus safety. Is there a lot of crime on campus? How close are we to the ghetto? Do I need to buy Suzi a personal bodyguard to protect her? These are questions I expect to be asked and questions I haven’t been asked. Instead of inquiring about campus safety, a mother asked me, “So how close is the mall to campus and how do you get there?” That’s my kind of parent.

Prospective students, or “babies,” as I have termed them. So eager to arrive and yet so confused about what to do with their life. They are filled with so many questions, yet there is so much they need to learn on their own. As you make your way to class this week and spot one of the iconic, “Hi! I’m touring Syracuse today!” tote bags, remember that you were once that angst-filled, confused and horny teen. Lend them a hand and show them why S.U. may or may not be the best place for them.

– Jon Gregalis

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