Pajama Jeans

Posted: March 4, 2011 by jerkmag in VAULT -- archives
Tags: , ,

The new Mom Jeans

They’re tight. They’re comfortable. But don’t be fooled by the rocks that they’ve got, because they’re still, they’re still “jeggings” from the block.
Just because they have a soft, cotton lining doesn’t mean they’re any different from the infamous garment worn by everyone from Rachel in your geometry class to Conan O’Brien.
Pajama Jeans offer the “best of both worlds” between “stylish and sexy” jeans, and “soft and comfortable” pajama bottoms. Who wouldn’t want them? THEY EVEN HAVE A MOCK FLY AND FRONT AND BACK CONTRAST POCKET STITCHING! Someone truly broke the mold when they invented these.
I cannot fathom a reason for purchasing a pair of pajama jeans, except for maybe when you want a comfortable experience passing out in the middle of the dance floor or falling asleep on the roof of a frat house, if that’s even possible.  Jeans, for females at least, are typically worn tight, sometimes skin tight. So why opt for something with a “mock fly” when you can have the real thing? It’s the “smooth butt lifting design,” isn’t it?

Or is it simply the convincing infomercial? It does exemplify the great versatility that Pajama Jeans have to offer—you can nap, ride your bike and even read all while wearing your, “smooth as a baby’s blanket” pair!
One last appealing factor is the claim that Pajama Jeans stretch to fit any figure. This may be true, but just because you can force it all in there, doesn’t mean anyone likes to look at a lumpy sack of potatoes.
Do yourself a favor and stop watching late-night infomercials while intoxicated. If not, in a matter of weeks you’ll be delivered a pair of stretchy, maternity-like jeans and a bill for  $39.95. And to think, you could have ordered 40 wings instead.

– Allie Ditkowich

  1. Kelly says:

    i really hope this doesn’t catch on…

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