Want Free Weed and Porn? Go Get Stuck in a Mine.

Posted: February 17, 2011 by jerkmag in VICES -- sex, drugs & alcohol
Tags: , , , , , , ,

If you are up for the challenge, and you want some free pornography and pot, you could always get trapped in a mine in Chile for 69 days. I am sure you’ve heard about the 33 miners trapped 2,050 feet beneath rock back in August. The traumatic event really was no laughing matter, and the men survived a despite the lack of food, living space, and oxygen. Thankfully, all 33 men survived and were rescued by a steel capsule. They were medically treated and reunited with friends and family after the traumatic experience. Although the men are now seen as heroes by most, they are just like you and me.

Honestly, what would you do with hours and hours of free time with no computers, phones, TV, or sign of daylight? Well as my girl Missy Elliot would say “pass that dutch”. Smoke up to make the wait more bearable, and get well acquainted with your hand until you can fuck like a rabbit again.

Sharing is in the smoking culture, but it was a problem in the mines.

New York Times journalist Jonathan Franklin is writing a book called ‘The 33’ that explains everything disclosed to him while he was given special access to the rescue mission. Franklin claims that the men were smuggled cannabis in letters sent down a communication shaft. The presence of marijuana created some tension; because of course the men did not know how to share. Some miners would sneak off to smoke to relieve stress, without offering it up to everyone. (Party foul)

A major health issue doctors noticed was their need for sex. The miners must have been extremely horny, because they even requested blow up sex dolls. After careful consideration, the medic decided sex toys would not be allowed unless there was enough for everyone to have their own. Instead, the men were sent pin ups of some sexy ass ladies, and lots of porn to get by on. Thank you, Hugh Hefner.

“Get the fuck off my girlfriend; you’re going to pop her!” Oh, I can see it now… arguing over weed and blow-up dolls for 2 months. I give these miners props for surviving the collapse of the mine, but come on; we cannot survive without a little pot and masturbation.

 

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