Aaron Rodgers needs a dance lesson

Posted: February 16, 2011 by jerkmag in VAULT -- archives
Tags: , , , , , , ,

I can’t dance.

The Italian side of me turns every slow jam into a weird combo of Jersey Shore fist bumping and the hokey pokey. My neighbor’s two Labrador retrievers come to mind when I see people grinding—they’re in the yard, humping each other’s brains out. I save myself the trouble and go play beer pong at parties, and it feels lame.

In stark contrast to my un-awesomeness, Super Bowl XLV MVP Aaron Rodgers seems like the coolest the guy in the world right now. I’m comfortable enough to admit he’s a good-looking dude, and all the hot, 20-somethings in Wisconsin (if they exist) probably fawn over him. He’s also a damn good quarterback.

But what’s this? Pre-NFL A-Rodg doing his best “Nick Toney at a dance party” impression? In 2005, South Beach made Aaron look like a bumpkin; he’s got no moves whatsoever. It still wasn’t enough to deter smokeshow Marisa Miller from being on his junk all night.

So I want to thank you, Aaron. You give white-bread dancing Italians like me hope that one day, I can be cool and bag a Victoria’s Secret model too.

I’d also settle for the dance moves New York Jets receiver Braylon Edwards rolls out in this vid. Just sayin’.

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