Dear Katy Perry,
I do appreciate the time you took away from kissing girls and waking up in Vegas to make an appearance on my television program. I really did have a great time singing our rendition of “Hot and Cold.” I think the kids would enjoy it too, but we just can’t get past your boobs.
While I thought your Kermit the Frog green dress was appealing to your California girl figure, the producers felt that it showed too much of your sun-kissed skin. They worried that our viewers would not be able to handle your beauty and sex appeal. I can’t blame them; my face was even redder than usual while we ran around the set playing tag. Yes, you had some sheer fabric covering those luscious curves, but the stage lights let us see everything.
It is quite upsetting to me that this wardrobe malfunction means our song and music video will not be able to air on television. I thought we made a great duet, and I don’t mean just singing. You might be a little taller than me and a little less furry, but walking down Sesame Street with you by my side would make my teenage dream complete.
So, if you ever want to play dress up again — or maybe dress down — please let me know. I love to be tickled.