Oh yes, the epitome of this post

For the second installment of Music Monday: Jerk Does Valentine’s day, we decided to appeal to the cynics in all of us by posting a list of the Creepiest Love Songs of all time. So yeah, we go both ways on this holiday. (Previous Post: Love Songs that Don’t Make us Want to Vomit.)

1. “Love Story” by Taylor Swift
I’m not sure she finished reading “Romeo and Juliet” before she wrote this one. – Kate Holloway, Executive Web Editor

2. “All My Life” by K-Ci and Jo Jo
“Close to me you’re like my mother, close to me your like my father, close to me you’re like my brother, close to me you’re like my sister.” Enough said. – Katie Allyn, Editor at Large

3. “Your Body is a Wonderland” by John Mayer
His racist penis isn’t exploring my wonderland any time soon. – Gregory Miller, Assistant Gawk Editor

4. “Invisible” by Clay Aiken
The first time I heard this song was at the 2003 American Idol tour. I remember thinking it was the creepiest thing I’d ever heard. No one wants Clay Aiken in their room, visible or not.  – Jessica Assimon, Editor in Chief

5. “Every Breath You Take” by The Police
Same concept as “Invisible,” different eras. I’m not sure which is creepier – the thought of Clay Aiken invisible in my bedroom or Sting watching me so intently he notices my breathing pattern. –
Kate Holloway, Executive Web Editor

6. “Touch My Body” by Mariah Carey
Creepy as hell.With lines like “if you brag about this secret rendezvous, I will hunt you down” and shit about putting this flick on youtube, it just makes me feel weird. – Jon Qualtere, Fact Checker

7. “Sugar, We’re Going Down” by Fall Out Boy
His way of complimenting the girl is telling her he gets pleasure out of another man fucking her – Jameson Fleming, Blogger

8. “Like a Virgin” by Madonna
It says “I’ll be yours until the end of time” and no guy wants to hear that. – Marc Szot, Guest Submitter

9. “Boner” by the Secretions
Best euphemisms for “erection” ever. Mildly creepy story. – Roxanne Broda-Blake, Assistant Smut Editor

And of course, the obligatory video. We’ve submitted the literal version of “Total Eclipse of the Heart” by Bonnie Tyler for your entertainment purposes.

  1. […] ← Dating: It’s Complicated or Some People are Just Dumb Music Monday: Valentine’s Day part two […]

  2. Amelia says:

    this blog made me laugh so much, I love you all even though I don’t know you all, and that literal video has been my favorite for quite some time now. It is only rivaled by this one: http://vodpod.com/watch/1759461-meatloaf

  3. Kate says:

    thanks amelia! the literal videos are awesome, especially when they’re from the 80s…

  4. Katie says:

    That picture is what nightmares are made of.

  5. jean says:

    Clay Aiken did NOT write ‘Invisible’. He was handed that song to sing on AI as his ‘signature’ song and as his first single. He did not ‘choose’ to sing that song. Not fair to blame Clay for those lyrics! The only song Clay did write is the hauntingly beautiful ‘Lover All Alone’ from his ‘On My Way Here’ CD.

  6. Kate says:

    wow, did we hit a nerve jean? regardless of who wrote it, it was one of the creepiest songs ever written and he put his face on it.

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