Fuck Me Thru Da Phone

Posted: February 2, 2010 by farrahmones in POP - pop culture
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Hey. I’m Farrah Moans and I like sex. Having it, talking about it, talking about having it. I’m basically not afraid to Go There. Except I draw my line at anime porn, that’s just fucked up.

My boyfriend is abroad this semester (yeah, I’m dying), and my first thought was not, “Oh what will I do without you by my side for months?” It was, “Oh cool, I’ve never had phone sex before.”

Some initial complications with losing my phone sex virginity: Roommates. They are always home when I’m in the mood to talk dirty. Also, his phone is a piece of shit. See example:Him: “You’re so what?”

Me: “I’m so wet…”

“Sorry, what?”



“I’m. Fucking. WET!”

“…what are you fucking?”

And so on. The only bigger mood crusher is your mother catching you looking at fetish porn. “Honey, you’re into latex too?” Gross.

But I was bored one day and whipped out the vibe and the Blackberry, intent on making him come by sound of my voice. Except making up dirty stuff on the spot is hard especially when you can’t supplement it with body language.

Screaming “Oh my God!” over and over only works when you’re horizontal. Phone sex requires a little more ingenuity than I can muster mid-orgasm (‘cause even though the phone sex failed, the vibe still did its job).

At this point, I’d rather just make a sex tape. Which is another story soon to come…

Love & anal beads,


  1. Anita Greencard says:

    Ms. Moans, you are deliciously honest. Can’t wait to hear more from you!

  2. Sam says:

    hahah this is hilarious. love it.

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