Apple Revolutionizes Mobile Computing, Female Hygiene

Posted: February 1, 2010 by BST in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

By this point in time, you’ve surely been acquainted with Apple’s new in devours in the female hygiene market with its latest in “game-changing” technology, the iPad. If you haven’t seen one yet, be sure to visit Apple’s website for images and videos. Or, if that’ too much work for you, grab a friend’s iPod Touch and look at it under a magnifying glass. Ta-da it’s the future! Yeah right. Go back into hibernation, Steve Jobs.

For us self-proclaimed Apple enthusiasts, there has been a lot of disappointment about the new iPad and Internet users have been quick to respond. From across the World Wide Web, I am proud to introduce you to the truth about the iPad, or, as many Twitter users like to refer to it, the “iTampon.”

Apple has been the subject of many parodies over the past years for their use the “i” perfix in many of their products. None, however, were as prophetic as MadTV’s 2006 sketch about what they called the iPad. That’s right. After years of creativity with the iPod and iPhone, Apple apparently ran out of ideas, so they just borrowed from MadTV.

Many Apple freaks and technology fanatics alike have been disappointed in the iPad’s capabilities. For instance, it does not have a USB port for an external keyboard, nor can it multi-task (so you can’t listen to Pandora while watching porn, sorry). For those of you who were hoping to bring your Farmville everywhere you go, unfortunately, it also does not support Adobe’s Flash. The list goes on, but one comparison really sums up what iPad lacks.

Next, a witty Newsweek editor, took the best (or worst) of viral media to create what I believe to be the ultimate truth.

But, there is good news in all of the iPad controversy. Remember that creeper pedophile Pee-Wee Herman? Well, he’s back and he has an iPad! So, in case you weren’t convinced to drop at least $500 before, now you have to! I mean, come on, even Pee-Wee has one!

Be sure to be on the look out for more parodies as well as new Apple products. Rumor has it that by the end of the year or by early 2011, Apple will introduce the iShave as well as the highly anticipated iPleasureMySelf. Yes, it will be unisex.

~Ben Tepfer

  1. Kate says:

    there is already a vibrating app for the iPleasureMyself

  2. Kelsie says:

    Is there anything that hasn’t been done before? Oh technology…

  3. […] I remember, back then, being so confused as to why she would want an iPod. 10 years later, hand an iPad to a two-year-old, and I guarantee you they will know how to operate […]

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