How to star in a comic: lessons learned from The Twilight Saga author

Posted: November 18, 2009 by Jessie Assimon in POP - pop culture
Tags: , , , , , , ,
Have no fear, Stephenie Meyer is here!

Have no fear, Stephenie Meyer is here!

Last week Female Force comic book released a biography of The Twilight Saga author Stephenie Meyer. According to ComicsAlliance, the 28-page snoozer tells the story of how Meyer “grew up in the Southwest, got married, had kids, wrote some books about vampires and got rich.”

For those of you like myself, who read Meyer’s four-book saga, this news might make you say, “WTF? She’s the subject of an entire comic book?”

I’m not going to lie. I love The Twilight Saga. I’ve read all four books, own the DVD, have plans to see New Moon next week and am listening to the Twilight soundtrack (my younger sister burned me her friends’ copy) as I write this.

But, I adamantly proclaim that Meyer sucks at writing. She can tell a story, but the technical deliverance is another issue. Therefore, this comic book news made me realize, if Meyer can star in a comic book, so can I.

Me in London. I sent this picture back home to my Edward-obsessed friends

Me in London. I sent this picture back home to my Edward-obsessed friends

What I’ve learned from Meyer:

1) Dream. Twilight came to Meyer in a dream. On Friday’s episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show, Meyer said that she dreamt chapter 13 of the first book and continued on writing from there. The stay-at-home mom who studied literature had never even written a short story before.

2) Aim for substance instead of quality. It’s no secret: Meyer isn’t the best writer. I actually almost didn’t finish Twilight because I couldn’t stand the shitty quality of writing that Meyer put into that book (and subsequently the rest of her novels). Seriously, if she sold 70 million copies of lackluster writing worldwide to land her own comic book, why can’t I land a deal for that book I wrote in third grade?

3) Whore books out as much as possible. Have you been to the mall lately? Borders and Hot Topic should change their names to Eclipse and Breaking Dawn, respectively. The most obscure Twilight crap is everywhere. With that kind of supply and demand it’s no wonder she has her comic book. That piece of crap will undoubtedly bring in the dough.

~Jessie Assimon

Comments
  1. krystieyandoli says:

    I think she kinda sucks..blahhh why is Twilight so popular? I am, however, a fan of Female Force. They make comics about some other kick ass females. But Stephenie Meyer, come now…

  2. Kate says:

    krystie – i’m glad at least someone agrees with me (but that’s not stopping me from going to the premiere tonight)

  3. Kate says:

    Katie Allyn and I went to a comic book store and picked this up for a quick read. I pity the artist who was forced to draw Meyer with the body of a superhero. I think there was maybe a paragraph of text interluded with a vampire eating spiders. Yeah, this one’s a winner.

  4. Katie says:

    Yeah, when I read it I just couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that a vampire in Translyvania was narrating the snore-endusing nonstory that is Stephenie Meyer’s mormon life.

  5. […] a link to a blog post a wrote for Jerk Magazine‘s blog about Meyer last […]

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