More valuable lessons from Jon Gosselin

Posted: November 2, 2009 by Jessie Assimon in POP - pop culture
Tags: , , , , , ,
Jon Gosselin having a "mantrum" with his drug dealer, also known as his girlfriend Hailey Glassman.

Jon Gosselin having a "mantrum" with his drug dealer, also known as his girlfriend Hailey Glassman.

I hate to write about Jon Gosselin again, but it needs to happen. A couple of weeks ago I wrote about how Gosselin taught me to lose a million-dollar contract. This week, Gosselin taught me how to expose all my secrets: date or surround yourself with women in their early 20s; they’re sure to tell “Inside Edition” all the juicy details.

Lesson one: always trust the babysitter. Stephanie Santoro babysat for Gosselin’s eight children and recently exposed some of his alleged habits to the tabloid TV show, “Inside Edition.” Santoro told the show that Gosselin smoked pot while the kids were home and hacked into his wife Kate’s email account. Maybe he got the weed from his girlfriend, 22 year old Hailey Glassman (she was arrested for drug possession in 2005).

Lesson two: Send all your secrets in text messages. Santoro claims she has “hundred and hundreds of text messages” to back her accusations. Imagine: “Hails gave me weed. Got the munchies, kids crying bc I ate all their ice cream. LOL.”

Lesson three: Date Glassman. Glassman told “Inside Edition” this week that Gosselin has “mantrums.” She said Gosselin takes his anger out on her during phone calls. This makes her cry and leads her to ask him, “Why are you so mean to me?” I think “Why am I dating you?” is a more sufficient question.

~Jessie Assimon

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Comments
  1. Kinky says:

    Hahah that text is spot on, except it would be all lowercase and less coherent. He’s such a moron.

  2. Who knew he could teach us so much?

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