A note to Jon Gosselin: Thanks!

Posted: October 2, 2009 by Jessie Assimon in POP - pop culture
Tags: , , , , ,
Definition of a midlife crisis: backwards hat, Ed Hardy, chucks, and a diamond stud.

Definition of a midlife crisis: backwards hat, Ed Hardy, chucks, and a diamond stud.

Congrats Jon Gosselin! Your French rendezvous, partying, babysitter sleepovers, playa days successfully deemed you America’s Worst Dad. Yes, your own show, your sole source of income, which only requires you to act like a father to your eight children, just fired you. That’s right; T.L.C. thinks that your midlife crisis deemed you unworthy of starring on a show about your family.

Well, it’s not like you were trying to keep your job. Did you think that when you started holding impromptu press conferences on your front lawn with the paparazzi that the network would love that? How about when you started bedding one of those front lawn paps and asked her to resign from her job as a reporter at Star when you had already gone public with your other girlfriend – a 22-year-old alleged stoner? I can’t believe you would’ve thought these actions screamed “All American Dad” and would allow you to keep your job.

I’m saddened to write that the days of “Jon and Kate Plus Eight” are over. Last Tuesday, September 29, T.L.C. announced that the show will continue as simply “Kate Plus Eight” and focus on Kate’s time as a single mother of Mady, Cara, Collin, Joel, Aaden, Alexis, Hannah and Leah.

But thank you, Jon, for your fatherly actions, because you’ve taught me a valuable lesson: how to get out of any multi-million dollar deal. According to you, it’s pretty simple; just act like a douche bag, but do so in the public eye.

The adorable Gosselin clan.

The adorable Gosselin clan.

Want to get fired from the easiest job ever? That’s simple. Nail the cover of People magazine, go on primetime television and tell the world you “despise” your spouse, attempt to become a spokesperson for Ed Hardy, and frolic around the Hamptons with Lindsay Lohan’s father, Michael.

Have eight kids at home? Well, there’s an easy solution to that: move 130 miles away from your family to Manhattan.

See guys, if you follow Jon’s rules, getting out of a multi-million dollar deal is a cinch.

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